iGet 3 Wishes
by GEM1588
Summary: Freddie's birthday. What will he wish for? My first attempt at iCarly FF. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. This is a work of FanFiction. **

**I warn you now, this is going in an 'inappropriate' direction. **

**I am known to be crude. This is meant to entertain, not offend. **

* * *

"Freddie!"

"Freddie!"

"Freddie!"

Carly and Sam chanted as he did his first "legal" shot of Jack Daniels.

It was Fredward Benson's 21st birthday and he was celebrating with his two best friends in his tiny dorm room on the campus of Pacific Northwestern University. He and Carly were both juniors and lived at school. Sam was a full time quality control specialist at the local Cheesecake Warehouse (that means she gets to eat cheesecake all day and get paid for it) and was just there to visit and drink all the alcohol Freddie bought.

"Ready for number two?" Sam asked as she refilled the novelty shot glass she'd bought especially for this occasion. There was a picture of a stick figure on its hands and knees vomiting. The game of twenty one shots was also her idea.

"Number Two!" Freddie took the shot glass from her and clinked against the bottles of beer that Sam and Carly were drinking. He slammed down the shot and smirked at the picture. "No way am I puking tonight Sam", he told her smugly.

"Whatever Fred Nerd", Sam replied.

"Remember our deal – for every seven shots – I get a birthday wish." He pointed at both girls.

"You have our word, Freddie", Carly replied. "Now how about number 3?" She refilled his shot glass.

"I want to make a toast", Freddie held the glass up in front of him. "To iCarly, the best web show ever"

"To iCarly!" They cheered and then finished their drinks.

"Ok Freddie did three shots – so now we pick from the BRA…." Carly held out a gigantic size 44F bra. "Freddie, since it's your birthday you pick the first question." He reached her hand inside the oversized cup and removed a folded piece of paper. He opened it and read it aloud:

"The first question of the night is for Sam." He made a face as he read the question. Then he looked at Carly "Is this for real?"

"Just read it!" Sam growled and tried to rip the paper away from him. Freddie shoved it down the front of his pants.

"Think that's gonna stop me?" Sam threatened as she pinned him to the floor. Freddie's eyebrow raised in anticipation.

"Grrr", Sam made her hands into claws. "Just ask the question."

"Ok", Freddie reached back into his pants and pulled out the paper. "Sam, how many blow jobs have you given Spencer?"

"WHAT!" Sam roared. "Let me see that" She tore the paper out of his hand.

"Did you write this?" She looked at Carly.

"How many.. _Sam…_?" Carly smirked knowingly.

The blonde girl's jaw dropped as she stared at her friend.

"Are you shitting me?" Freddie exclaimed when he saw her expression. "You sucked Carly's brother's dick!"

"ONCE!" Sam yelled at both of them. "Just once – And how the fuck did you know about that?" she said to Carly.

"Oh I don't know", Carly bobbed her head side to side.

"Spencer", Freddie gasped again. "Oh my God, Sam!"

"Sooooo", Carly grinned wider "Gimme the DEETS!"

"No", Sam shook her head.

"Can you at least tell me when this happened – because…_ Spencer?" _Freddie covered his face and laughed.

Sam pursed her lips together and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Socko's Wedding – and that's all I'm saying."

"But you weren't invited to Socko's wedding" Freddie crossed his arms over his chest.

"So?" Sam shrugged. "Free food AND open bar – like I was gonna miss that."

"You crashed Socko's wedding" Freddie snorted. "I need another shot"

"Number four coming right up." Carly handed Freddie his glass again. As he did his shot, Carly turned to Sam. "Ok Sam - your turn to pick from the BRA." Sam reached her hand inside and pulled out a piece of paper. "This one's from me to you Freddie." Sam danced in her seat. Before she could read her question, he interrupted.

"No, I'm NOT gay", Freddie answered with a hint of annoyance.

"Bi-sexual?" Sam suggested.

"NO"

"Bi-curious?"

"NO"

"Metro-sexual?"

"I like girls, Sam. Always have."

"Ppppbbbttttt", Sam stuck her tongue out at Freddie. "I thought you'd finally come out tonight."

Carly sipped her beer and giggled.

"You too?" Freddie looked her way.

"Oh, come on Freddie", Carly put her arm around him. "Sam and I love you and we'll still be your friends no matter what."

"That's right", Sam put her arm around him too. "We can all go out looking for guys together."

"Enough", Freddie swatted them away. "I know you find this hard to believe but I really am straight."

"We believe you Freddie" The girls said in unison before snickering to each other.

"Shot numero CINCO!" Sam jumped up and grabbed a large sombrero from the corner and tossed it in the middle of the floor. Carly pulled Freddie to his feet.

"What are we doing?" He looked at the two of them like they'd lost their minds.

"Just a little _RANDOM DANCING!"_ Sam cued up the Freddie laptop and the Mexican Hat Dance played.

"Random Dancing", Freddie chucked to himself. They hadn't done that since high school.

The three of them danced in a circle around the sombrero. Then Carly picked it up and put it on Freddie's head. After the song was over they all collapsed in a fit of laughter.

"I'm ready for number six", Freddie announced. He wasn't even slurring yet.

"Number Six, for you sir", Carly curtsied as she handed him the glass. He removed the sombrero and tilted his head back, letting the whiskey flow down his throat.

Sam came over with the BRA and Carly picked a question. "This one's for Freddie", she smiled.

"Can't wait", he said sarcastically.

"You have to tell the truth", Carly looked him in the eye.

"Of course"

"Is Mandy your fag hag?"

"Mandy – the girl with the duck?" Sam's eyes bulged.

"Yep, THAT Mandy", Carly bit her lip. "She's a freshman and she follows Freddie around everywhere."

"No. She's not." Freddie replied. "Because I'm not gay", he added looking right at Sam.

"So why don't you go out with her?" Sam replied raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, why not?" Carly asked.

"You mean – aside from the whole duck thing, and the fact that she's so annoying I can't even be in the same room with her."

"He does have some good points, Sam", Carly looked at her friend.

"I guess", Sam shrugged as she chugged the last of her beer. "Or maybe he's just..."

Freddie banged his shot glass against the top of Sam's beer. It made the carbonation begin to overflow out the top and Sam had to chug the contents to keep it from spilling everywhere. He winked at her as she glared evilly at him.

"Ok, Freddie, pick another question", Carly said holding the BRA in front of him.

"Ummm", he said as he unfolded the paper. "This one is for Carly." He glanced over the words quickly. "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Nope!" Carly giggled as she finished her beer as well.

"Are you sure?" Freddie leaned forward until their faces were inches apart.

"Yes, I'm sure." Carly poked his forehead with her index finger and pushed him back.

"Ok then", Freddie grinned. "I believe I am doing shot number seven, which means I get to make a wish."

"Are you going to wish yourself straight?" Sam said as she grabbed the bottle of Jack.

"Here it is. Shot number seven", Freddie slammed it down and licked his lips.

"Alright", Freddie rubbed his hands together. "I wish that both of you would strip down to your underwear and stay that way for the rest of the night."

There was a choking sound as Sam shot beer out of her nose. "WHAT!"

"Freddie, um that wasn't the kind of wishing we had in mind."

"My birthday. My wishes. Now ladies, take off those clothes…" Freddie leaned back on his arms and prepared to watch.

Carly and Sam exchanged frantic glances.

"Freddie, the thing is…"

"I'm not wearing a bra", Sam blurted out.

"Sam!" Carly stared at her friend, "Why aren't you wearing a bra?"

"It's laundry day.."

"I'm ok with no bra", Freddie shrugged.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Carly pulled her shirt over her head and began unbuttoning her jeans.

Sam kicked off her shoes and threw her socks at Freddie's face. "You just wait until MY birthday!" she threatened.

Carly slid her jeans down her legs and stepped out of them. She tossed them on top of her shirt and stood there in a red bra and red and white thong.

Sam pulled her capris down revealing a pair of black boy short-style underwear. She turned around and took off her shirt, pulling her long hair forward over her shoulders to cover herself.

"You look like a mermaid", Carly told her.

"You look like a candy cane", Sam replied.

Freddie just sat there, flabbergasted that they'd actually done it. Carly Shay and Samantha Puckett were in their underwear less than five feet away from him. He wiped the sides of his mouth with his hands to make sure he wasn't drooling. He could feel his erection pressing against his jeans. This was the best birthday ever – and he still had two more wishes left.

If everything worked out the way he planned. Carly and Sam were going to find out how UN-GAY Freddie Benson _really_ is.

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**Your comments, criticisms and reviews are always welcome. I have thick skin, so please don't worry about offending me. Gemma.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you ready for number eight?" Carly asked as she poured the shot.

"Yeah, but I want to do something a little different this time." Freddie took the glass from her.

"Like what?" Carly looked at him.

"Body Shots." Freddie's eyes sparkled as he said that.

"Freddie!"

"Carly, when Sam dared me to do this – you said you would help me."

"I didn't mean you could lick me!"

"It's my birthday..." Freddie made his sad face.

"Humph", Carly exhaled from the side of her mouth causing the front of her hair to puff up into the air. "Fine"

"Ok, I want you to…" Freddie positioned Carly so she was leaning forward on a slight angle against the dresser. He stood behind her as Sam poured the shot on Carly's back just below her bra strap. Freddie held Carly's hips as he pressed his tongue against her lower back just above the top of her thong. With a long smooth motion, he moved his head upward, cupping his tongue just enough to catch most of the whisky that ran down her skin.

Sam stared at Freddie as his long pink tongue lapped up the last bit of alcohol from her friend's pale skin.

"What?" Carly asked when she saw Sam's expression.

"You let him lick you, gross." Sam wrinkled her nose and turned away. She didn't want to admit that watching him do that was kinda hot.

"Thanks, Freddie." Carly wiped her back with the palm of her hand. Freddie took a washcloth from his shower caddie and ran it over the spot where he licked her.

Sam sat on the bed, beer in hand watching them. _If I knew he had a tongue like that, I might have Frenched him that time we kissed._ She took a few sips of beer._ Why am I thinking about making out with Freddie? Oh that's right – I'm a little drunk right now._

At exactly 8:10 pm they all heard the familiar ring tone:

_I'll always love my mama…_

"I can't believe you still have that on your phone", Carly laughed.

"Momma's Boy!" Sam teased him.

"Shhhh!" Freddie put his finger to his lips. "She thinks I'm staying in studying tonight – alone." He gave them a stern look.

Carly and Sam ran their fingers over their lips zipping them closed.

Freddie put the phone to his ear and answered.

"Hi, Mom."

"Freddie! Are you ready for your birthday countdown?"

"Sure," Freddie rolled his eyes.

Mrs. Benson began counting down…

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

"Happy Birthday My Baby Boy!"

It was 8:11 pm – the exact time he'd been born 21 years ago.

"Mwah, Mwah, Mwah" She kissed him over the phone before proceeding to sing Happy Birthday in three different languages. Freddie nodded and paced around his room. Then she began discussing his birthday party that weekend. He toned her out for a minute to glance over at Carly and Sam.

Sam was holding two pieces of paper, one over each breast. Carly had a roll of clear tape and was running circles around Sam, trying to adhere the paper to her like it was a bra. The paper kept folding over, allowing brief glimpses of Sam's nipples.

Sam happened to look over at Freddie and gave him the finger while she mouthed, "_You're dead Benson."_

Freddie averted his gaze and took a few steps forward. With his back to them he used his peripheral vision to catch their reflection in the mirror.

Carly had caught some of Sam's hair in the mess of tape. Sam was pulling at her long locks while Carly tried to rip the tape free. Once it was done, the two slips of paper that had been covering Sam fell to the floor, leaving her breasts completely exposed. Freddie took in every detail of their round supple shape. He was so focused on Sam, he almost missed Carly bending over in her thong to pick up the papers that had fallen. Carly's ass was so small and firm. She'd been doing Pilates with some of the girls in her dorm, and it was definitely working.

His mind drifted off into one of his many, many fantasies about his two friends. First he imagined himself doing a body shot off one of Sam's breasts, swirling his tongue around her nipple until it was rock hard. After that he'd tell Carly to take her thong off and he'd sink his fingers deep inside her. Then maybe he'd make Sam lick his fingers…

"FREDDIE!" His mother's voice interrupted his impure thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hear you", he apologized. "The connection went out for a second."

"I said", his mom shouted. "What time are you coming home tomorrow?"

"We're leaving right after lunch, so I should be home between 3 and 4pm." He replied, trying hard to clear the mental picture in his head.

"Don't eat anything on the ride home because I'm cooking you a very special birthday dinner. But I'm at work so I have to go. I love you, Freddie."

"I love you too, Mom"

He hung up the phone and looked over at the girls. They were standing there with enormous grins on their faces. The kind of smiles that made him very wary.

"What?" He asked as he tensed up in preparation for whatever was about to happen.

"_Fred- die",_ Carly sang his name.

"_Car-ly", _he sang back nervously as his eyes darted between her and Sam. The blonde casually finished the last bit of beer, holding the bottle upside down for an extra second to make sure she consumed every last drop. The bottle made a clinking sound as she set it down on the desk.

"Oh Fredward", she said slowly, pausing so he could hear her crack her knuckles.

Freddie gulped loudly. Even though he was fifty pounds heavier, Sam could still kick his ass when she wanted to.

"I think it's time." Carly said to Sam.

"I think it's definitely time." Sam said to Carly.

"Time for what?" Freddie's left eyebrow raised as he prepared to defend his groin – (he'd learned the hard way you could never fully trust Sam)

"Birthday Punches!" They yelled as they rushed forward and tackled him.

Sam made contact first. With her shoulder to his midsection she wrapped her arms around his waist and knocked him into the door. Freddie grabbed Sam and slid down to the floor, taking her with him. Carly threw herself on top of Freddie and laced both her arms around one of his trying to free Sam.

There was a scuffle which involved quite a bit of wrestling and rolling around on the floor.

Finally Carly pinned Freddie to the floor by sitting on his chest with her knees on his shoulders. Freddie's movement was limited, but when he lifted his head he could see right between Carly's thighs. If he was going to get beat up, at least he had a nice view.

He saw Sam walking around them in a circle, like a predator stalking it's prey. She stopped behind Carly and let her fist connect with his stomach.

"Oooof", Freddie groaned as his muscles tensed.

"One", she announced loudly.

"Owwww"

"Two"

"Sam, Wait!" Freddie yelled loudly. There was no way he could handle being punched in the stomach twenty one times.

"Three." Her fist connected in his side.

"Please Sam, STOP!" Freddie begged.

"Nope", Sam replied as she hit him again. "Four"

Then suddenly Freddie figured out a way to get out of this. Carly was leaning over him so Sam had enough room to assault his midsection. He twisted his shoulders and Carly's knees slipped down to the floor. Freddie sat up quickly and the momentum knocked Carly into Sam's legs and the blonde toppled across them. The birthday boy reached over Carly and slapped Sam's ass as hard as he could.

"Freddie!" Sam growled. She pushed herself off of Carly, but as she did there was a ripping sound. One of her makeshift bra cups had torn, leaving her exposed. But Sam, being Sam was so pissed about getting spanked by a nerd, she didn't notice. Lunging over Carly, she threw herself on top of Freddie. Carly struggled to untangle herself from Sam and moved to safety.

"You think you're funny" Sam shouted at Freddie as she pulled him to his feet using a death grip on the top of his ear.

"ow, ow, ow" Freddie repeated as he got to his feet. He barely heard was Sam was saying because he was eye-level with her nipple. And so he did what any un-gay guy would do in that situation, he pressed his mouth against her breast and kissed it.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam screamed, pushed him to the floor and covered herself with her hand.

"SAM!" Carly rushed forward and knelt down beside Freddie to see if he was alright. "Why did you do that?" she asked her friend.

"He… He…" Sam stuttered as she clutched her hardened nipple. She couldn't even get the words out.

"He what?" Carly asked as she knelt to Freddie who was sitting on the floor. He glanced up at Sam to see if she was going to say anything.

"He kissed my boob", Sam glared at Freddie.

"Freddie!" Carly lightly slapped his shoulder. "How drunk are you?"

"I think it's time for another body shot." Freddie leaned his head on her shoulder.

"I'm putting my shirt back on." Sam announced as she turned her back on them and moved toward the piles of her clothes.

"Oh Ssam, don't be soooo dramatic." Carly giggled as she got up to get the bottle of Jack and the shot glass.

"Dramatic? I don't see you letting the dork kiss your boobs." Sam replied as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"I'm letting him lick whizzkey off my body. That sshould count for ssomething." Carly countered as she filled the glass. "Alright Freddie, herss number nine." The brunette held the shot glass at the base of her neck.

At that point Sam and Freddie realized Carly was hammered.

Freddie was still a foot away when Carly poured the alcohol down her cleavage.

"Carly, what are you doing!" Sam exclaimed.

"What?" Carly's hands flopped over; her palms faced the ceiling as the inverted shot glass dripped onto the floor. "Freddie, come here."

"I need a drink." Sam rolled her eyes and cracked open another beer.

Freddie grinned as Carly pulled him against her. "Freddie, lick me. I'm wet." He knew she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but damn if he hadn't dreamed of hearing those exact words.

He squatted down and placed his tongue right above the elastic of her underwear. Freddie began to trace upward toward her navel.

"That tickles!" She squealed, bursting into laughter and pushing his head away.

"Yeah, and that doesn't count as a shot, Frederina." Sam informed him. "You're still at nine."

Freddie grabbed the bottle and poured the shot himself. "NINE," He told Sam as he dumped it down his throat. "And TEN," He shot her a look as he took down another shot. "Almost halfway there, Sam and still going strong. I'm getting ALL my wishes tonight." Freddie said with confidence.

"You'll never make it." Sam grinned as she drank her beer.

"We'll see about that," he winked at her. Freddie knew something Sam didn't know: the whisky was diluted with iced tea.

"Happy Birthday, Freddie!" Carly sang as she wrapped her arms him before dancing away across the room.

"God she is such a lightweight." Freddie laughed.

"Tell me about it." Sam smiled.

"Guys I'll be right back. I have to pee." Carly called as she opened the door and walked out into the dormitory hallway.

"Oh no she didn't." Sam looked at Freddie.

"Oh yes she did." Freddie looked at Sam.

Carly left the room barefoot wearing only her bra and underwear.

"Why are you standing there? Go get her." Sam gave Freddie a shove.

"Me? What about you?" Freddie replied.

"First of all, I'm not wearing pants – duh. And second of all, I want to finish my beer." Sam took another sip.

"I can't believe this." Freddie mumbled as he threw the door open and looked down the hall. There was no one in sight.

He hurried down the corridor and around the corner to the shared bathrooms. Standing with his back to the door, he pushed it open a crack. "Carly, are you in there?" There was no answer. He opened the door a little wider and tried to peek inside, but there was a partition blocking his view.

"Carly!" Freddie called her name a little louder this time. He didn't hear anything. Glancing around to make sure no one was looking, he darted inside the bathroom.

"Anyone in here?" He asked nervously as he leaned all the forward looking for feet under the bathroom stalls.

"Freddie? What are you doing in here?" Carly asked as she came out from a stall at the far end.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"You're so sweet," Carly sang as she stood in front of the sink preparing to wash her hands. She slid her hands back and forth under the faucet, but it was one of those motion detector sensor things - you know the kind that never works right.

"Freddie, can you help me?" Carly asked as she pushed against the sensor like it was a button.

"Sure," Freddie stood next to her and held his hand under the faucet. The water began running.

"You are so awesome!" Carly exclaimed. She cupped her hands catching the warm water, then turned to her friend and splashed him right in the chest.

"CARLY!" Freddie took a step back in shock.

"Ooopies" Carly giggled.

Freddie went to the sink next to hers and filled his hands with water.

"Nooo don't," Carly squealed as she ducked into one of the shower stalls. Freddie came in after her and tossed the small handful of water her way. It splashed against her chest leaving tiny droplets of water on the top of her breasts while soaking her bra. "Freddie! I can't believe you did that." Carly said as she tried to wipe herself dry. She stomped out of the shower stall and back toward the sink.

"Carly don't be mad," Freddie rolled his eyes. "I was just messing around." He took a second to wring out his own shirt before following her. The loud hum of the forced air hand dryer came on and Freddie's jaw dropped to the floor.

Carly was standing there topless, holding her bra under the dryer.

He bit hard into his knuckle as his erection sprung to life.

Now how to capitalize on this opportunity….

**TY 4 all the luv!**


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n: sorry this took so long to update!**

* * *

Freddie stood there staring at Carly. He forced himself to think instead of fantasize about the bare breasts right before his very eyes, which was incredibly difficult to say the least.

The cold wet feeling against his skin reminded him of his own clothing dilemma. He quickly pulled his shirt over his head and positioned himself next to Carly.

"Freddie!" Carly covered herself. "Stop looking at my boobs!"

"I couldn't help it," Freddie kept staring at her. "I think you're beautiful, Carly. I always have."

"Awwww, Freddie!" Carly kept one arm over her chest and reached out the other arm and hugged him. "You are the best friend ever!"

Freddie wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him and running his hands along the soft skin on her back. He looked over her shoulder as he slid his hands down further until they were cupping her naked ass.

The dryers shut off and that's when Freddie heard the giggling. Carly heard it too and together they looked toward the source. A group of girls had come in to use the showers. They were in bathrobes and flips-flops with bath caddies in their hands.

"We're not interrupting are we?" one of them asked with a laugh.

"Uhhh," Freddie looked at Carly who was nine shades of red. "Could you give us a minute?"

"A minute?" the girl laughed again. "Sounds like you need to work on your stamina."

"I…I…," Freddie stuttered as Carly ripped the shirt out of his hands.

She turned her back to the girls and slipped Freddie's shirt over her head. Quickly they both left the bathroom on their way back to Freddie's room.

"Freddie!" Carly tugged at his arm. "They saw my butt!"

"You have a very nice butt. I'm sure they're all jealous."

"I can't believe they saw my butt!" Carly repeated drunkenly.

"They saw my butt," Carly told a random student walking down the hall.

Freddie grabbed her arm and pulled her toward his dorm room before she made a total ass of herself.

When they came back in the room Sam was sitting comfortably on Freddie's bed helping herself to his private stash of Dorskitos.

"Hey Gibby!" Sam laughed as a shirtless Freddie entered the room.

"HA HA," Freddie replied. "What the hell Sam!" he exclaimed as he ripped the bag from her hands. "This is a birthday present! MY birthday present."

"Give it back," Sam made a grab for the bag, but missed as Freddie held it over his head. "And who gives a person Dorskitos for their birthday?"

"My RA," Freddie reached into the bag, fisting a handful of the tasty snack and shoving it in his mouth. "MMMMMM," he chewed obnoxiously.

"Dork," Sam commented as she took another sip of her beer.

Suddenly there was an ear shattering blast of music.

"Ahhhhh! Carly!" Freddie and Sam yelled as they covered their ears.

"Ooopsies!" Carly yelled over the CuddleFish track that was playing.

Freddie rushed over to his laptop and lowered the volume, watching as Carly pulled Sam off the bed. They both began jumping around screaming the lyrics.

"Hey!" Freddie yelled.

"HEY!" he yelled louder. When they didn't respond he turned off the song and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Freddie!" Carly and Sam moaned.

"What's your problem? That was a great song!"

"It's time for more shots," Freddie reminded them as he rubbed his palms together.

"Yes," Sam's eyes sparkled, "Time for shots. In fact, I'll pour this time."

Freddie noticed the way the blonde was eyeing him and he knew it meant trouble.

Sam took the shot glass and filled it to the brim with Jack. "Here you go Freddie," she smiled.

"What did you do to it, Sam?" Freddie frowned as he accepted the glass.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

"Did you spit in the bottle?"

"Nope," her grin got wider.

"Did you pee in the bottle?"

"No," Sam rolled her eyes. "I would never waste good alcohol. You know that."

"What number is this?" Carly asked as she threw her arms around Sam hugging her.

"Eleven," Freddie answered as he set the lip of the shot glass against his mouth. Keeping an eye out for Sam's reaction, he tipped his head and poured the whisky down his throat.

He coughed and sputtered. His eyes started watering from the burning sensation.

"Ugh!" Freddie choked as he grabbed Sam's beer to use as a chaser. As the sweet carbonation filled his mouth, he saw Sam's triumphant smirk. He realized as he looked at the label, that Sam had replaced his watered down Jack with the new bottle that he'd bought just that day. Bitch.

"I believe that is Shot Numero Uno, Freddilicious," Sam laughed as she took her beer from him, "only twenty more to go."

Fuck. Freddie thought to himself.

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

-o-

_Six Shots later….._

"Come on Freddie!"

"You can do it!"

Sam and Carly cheered as Freddie tried to shuffle a deck of cards. He was still able to do the first part, where you interlace the two piles together but when it came to making the 'bridge' the cards shot everywhere.

"Aw man," Freddie snorted as he picked up the fallen cards.

"One more shot," Carly said as she held out the shot glass, "and you get to make a wish."

"He already got a wish," Sam told her, "he doesn't get another one until he gets to fourteen shots."

"Sam, it's his birthday," Carly replied, "and look at him," she gestured to Freddie who as was dropping more cards than he was picking up. "He probably won't even make it to ten."

"So," Sam argued, "it's the ethics behind it."

"Do you even know what ethics means?" Carly started laughing.

"Yeah, sort of….," Sam trailed off as she drank her beer.

"Here you go, Freddie," Carly took the cards out of his hand and replaced them with the shot glass. "After this you get to make a wish."

"Finally," Freddie sighed as he downed the alcohol. "So for my wish," he began wiping his mouth with his hand, "I want to have sex tonight."

Sam and Carly looked at each other.

"Ok," Sam shrugged.

"Ok!" Freddie's eyes widened with excitement. _Oh yes! I am soooo getting laid._

"Come on Carly," Sam got up and headed for the door.

"Wait. Where are you going?" Freddie went after them. "Aren't we going to have sex?"

"We. As in you and me. I don't think so Freddie," Sam laughed.

"But you said 'Ok'," he frowned.

"I said 'ok' to you having sex," Sam patted his head. "Carly and I are going to find someone for you. I'm sure there's a fat girl with low self-esteem somewhere on campus."

"Sam," Carly yanked her arm. "Don't worry Freddie, I'll make sure the girl isn't too…., well… I'll make sure whoever Sam picks is actually a female."

"No!" Freddie threw himself in front of the door, blocking them from leaving. "It has to be one of you!"

"See ya later, Carls," Sam tried to wedge herself between Freddie and the blocked door.

"I'm not doing it!" Carly exclaimed. "I think you should do it, Sam. You were his first kiss."

"He doesn't want me," Sam wrapped her hands around the door knob, "he's always liked YOU!"

"That's not true!" Carly shouted back, "I happen to know that Freddie likes blondes."

"OK. Fine," Sam walked away from the door, "Why don't we let Freddie pick?"

"And whoever he picks HAS to do it," Carly crossed her arms over her chest.

"Ankle swear," Sam met her friend's gaze.

"Ankle swear," Carly repeated.

Freddie laughed as the two girls went through their Ankle Swear routine from middle school. They hadn't done that in years.

"Ok, Freddie," Carly said as she and Sam turned to face him. "Pick."

Freddie stood there grinning like an idiot, "I pick...," he paused dramatically looking back and forth between them, "Both of you."

"Both!" they exclaimed.

"At the same time?" Carly blushed.

"Sounds good to me," Freddie ran his tongue over lips, envisioning his wildest fantasy coming true.

"Keep dreaming, Nub," Sam rolled her eyes. "You only get one of us."

"I believe you Ankle Swore that, and I quote "whoever he picks HAS to do it" and I picked both of you," Freddie raised his eyebrow triumphantly.

"Ankle Swear or not," Sam shrugged, "I'm not having sex with you."

"Freddie," Carly put her arm around him, "why don't Sam and I just go find someone for you?"

"What the hell?" Freddie furrowed his brow at them, "Am I THAT repulsive?"

"No. Not at all," Carly told him as she poked Sam in the side, hoping she would say the same thing.

"Then why won't either of you have sex with me," Freddie shouted. "I mean Sam sucked Spencer's dick! Spencer!"

Sam let out a loud sigh, "He snuck me into a wedding. There was an open bar and a buffet. It was a thank you."

"You've been drinking MY alcohol and eating MY food all night," Freddie replied. "I think you should be thanking me."

"He's got a point, Sam," Carly looked at the blonde girl.

"Alright," Sam cracked her knuckles as she glared at Carly, "I'll commit to a blow job IF you have sex with him."

"Uh," Carly stuttered as she looked at Freddie.

"I like Sam's idea," he said with a smile.

"So what do you say, Carly?" Sam leaned her head side to side, cracking her neck.

"OK, but_ you_ go first," Carly told Sam.

Sam mulled it over for a moment, before agreeing.

_Yessss. _Freddie pumped his fist in victory. A blow job and sex. This was going to be the best birthday ever.


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: This chapter is Seddie and contains sexual content. If you are not a fan of either topic, I suggest skipping this chapter.  
No flames from Creddie shippers please; your chapter is coming up next.**

* * *

Chapter Five

"So how should we do this?" Sam asked.

"I don't really want to watch you guys," Carly said, "so I'm going to go back to my dorm for awhile. Text me when you're done."

"Ok," Freddie and Sam nodded as Carly left the room.

Sam grabbed another beer and began chugging. Freddie stood there watching her, not quite sure what to do.

"Alright, Fredricksburg," Sam wiped the beer from her lip with her forearm, "Take off your pants."

"Shouldn't _you_ take off my pants?" Freddie inquired as he stood there awkwardly. The real Sam was much different than his fantasy Sam.

"Take your fucking pants off and sit on the bed," Sam gave him a shove to emphasize her point.

"Shouldn't we kiss or something, first?" Freddie asked her.

"Kissing wasn't part of the deal. Now stop being such a girl and strip," Sam told him sternly.

Freddie began to unbutton his pants and then stopped. "Shouldn't we turn the light out?"

Sam rolled her eyes but walked over to the switch and flipped it. The room was completely dark except for the soft glow of Freddie's laptop.

Feeling slightly better about the setting, Freddie slid off his pants and boxers. He sat on the edge of his bed, leaning back on his arms. The butterflies in his stomach were doing flips as he watched Sam finish the last of her drink.

She knelt down between his legs, putting her empty beer bottle on the floor next to her. Freddie sat there drunk and nervous. He could barely believe that this was really happening; Samantha Puckett was about to perform oral sex on him.

Sam placed her hands just above Freddie's knees and slowly walked them up toward his groin. Every inch of Freddie's body tingled as her fingers brushed against his skin. He felt his chest tighten in anticipation of what was about to happen. As her warm breath teased over his loins Freddie rose to full attention.

"Sam," Freddie whispered as he looked down at the blonde hair that swept against his thighs, "please don't bite me."

"I won't Freddie," she said softly.

He tried to relax, but the fact that she hadn't insulted him was worrisome. He opened his mouth to say something but then he felt the tip of her cool wet tongue tracing up his shaft. Drinking the cold beer had lowered the temperature of her mouth adding to already pleasant sensation.

"ohhh," was the only sound that escaped his lips.

He felt his legs weaken a little as she lapped circles around the head of his penis. Freddie kept his eyes on her, partly because watching Sam's mouth on his dick was incredibly hot and partly because he didn't completely trust her around his most sensitive region.

Her forefinger and thumb encircled the base of his hardened cock. Both of her lips passed over the engorged tip as she took him inside her mouth. The soft moist heat against his erection made Freddie shudder (in a good way) until only a tiny bit of the apprehension was left.

"Sam," he mumbled shifting his weight to one arm, reaching down to the top of her head with the other. He followed the up and down motion running his fingers through the thick mass of blonde curls. Freddie moaned only her name aloud, though in his mind he was muttering all sorts of obscenities to her.

Her tongue washed over the bulging veins on the underside of his cock as she pumped her fist, creating the first drops of his orgasm. He forced himself to think about his IT classes, coding and theorems. It was all he could do to keep himself in check. Even though he tricked his mind, he couldn't stop watching her head bobbing rhythmically. There was a light smacking sound as she planted kisses all along his shaft. Her lips covered the tip as she swept her tongue around the perimeter, pausing to trace the slit slowly before taking his length in her mouth again.

It felt too good. As much as he wanted to make it last, his groin ached for release. Freddie let himself go, bucking his hips and pulling her hair, "Oh my God, Sam." The words slipped past his tongue as he felt her lips circle the base of his cock. He could feel everything from the ridges on the roof of her mouth to the firm slick border of her molars.

He only had one other blow job in his entire life, and it wasn't nearly this good. When the fuck did Sam learn how to suck dick like this? And from who? Carly? Christ, he was going to cum just thinking about it.

With a lock of blonde hair in his grasp, Freddie thrust his hips harder against Sam's mouth. She cupped his sack in her palm, tracing the seam with her thumb. A guttural sound vibrated in her throat sending a wave of pleasure down his shaft.

Freddie couldn't stop his orgasm. He heard her choke as it shot down her throat. She pulled away before he was finished, letting it spray the inside of his thigh.

There was a gagging sound as Sam not so discreetly spit what was in her mouth into the pair of boxers that Freddie had left on the floor.

"What the fuck, Freddie?" she said angrily through the coughing and spitting. "You're supposed to give a courtesy warning before cumming down someone's throat."

"Sorry Sam," Freddie apologized sincerely, "I just thought you'd swallow it."

"Ewww," Sam hissed, "Why would you think that?"

"Because you'll eat anything and everything."

"That's food, Freddie. NOT body fluids," Sam looked up at him.

In one swift motion she climbed on top of him, pinning him to the bed, "Kiss me," she ordered as her hair fell into his face. Freddie tried to turn his head away from the tickling sensation of the curls, but Sam was faster. Her mouth covered his, her tongue forcing its way into his mouth. Their teeth clinked from the roughness of the kiss, but Freddie didn't care. He parted his lips giving her all the access she wanted.

"How does it taste?" Sam asked as she pulled away.

"How does what taste?" Freddie looked up at her. Her face was partially blocked by the yellow locks that hung down resting on his chest.

"You just tasted your own dick, Freddie," Sam laughed.

"I tasted beer," Freddie grabbed her around the waist, flipping her onto the bed, "but I'd like to taste something else," his hand slid between her legs. He was shocked to find her underwear were slightly damp.

"So how about, Sam?" Freddie (filled with alcohol-based confidence) whispered in her ear, "A little reciprocation." She squirmed underneath him, the spot on her boy shorts rubbing against his hard erect cock.

"I think it's time to text Carly," Sam told him.

"But…," Freddie began to object.

"I doubt Carly would want to kiss you if you tasted like pussy, Freddie," Sam said with a light laugh. "Besides, MY birthday is only a few weeks away," she winked at him.

"So you'll wish for it?," Freddie grinned.

"Yeah," Sam smirked as she ruffled his hair, "Can you wait that long?"

"Barely," Freddie kissed her again. "Hate you, Sam."

"Hate you too Benson," she uttered before kissing him back. "Now get the fuck off me," she gave him another shove.


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: This chapter is Creddie and contains sexual content. If you are not a fan of either topic, I suggest skipping this chapter.  
No flames from Seddie shippers please.**

* * *

Chapter Six

Freddie and Sam were eating his Dorskitos when there was a loud calculated knock on the door.

"It's Carly, can I come in?" she asked loudly.

Freddie opened the door and laughed when he saw Carly standing there covering her eyes.

"It's safe to look," Freddie told her, "we're fully clothed."

Carly slowly opened one eye first, then both glancing cautiously into the room before crossing the threshold.

"So, ummm how was it?" she asked timidly.

"Orgasmic," Sam replied with a mouthful of food.

"That's good," Carly tapped her fingers against her sides apprehensively. "So I guess, it's our turn," she said to Freddie.

"Yep," Freddie grinned already undressing her with his eyes.

"Give me your keys and ID," Sam said to Carly, "I'll go hang out in your room for awhile."

"Ok, but don't eat all my food," Carly warned her, handing over the items.

"Have fun," Sam told them as she left the room toting a backpack full of beer.

"Sam, seriously – don't eat all my food," Carly yelled down the hall after her.

"You know she will," Freddie laughed as Carly pursed her lips together.

"Sooooo…," Freddie wrapped his arms around Carly's waist. "Are you ready?"

"Ummm, about that," Carly took his wrists and brought his arms back in front of him. "I think we should talk first."

Freddie sighed aloud. Carly was having second thoughts. _Fucking great._

"Carly it's my birthday," he retorted, "and Sam definitely fulfilled her part of the deal…"

"I know, but that was just a blow job," Carly twirled a lock of her hair around her index finger. "This is sex and …well, you've been my best friend forever and …, ummm, I just don't want things to get weird between us."

"No weirdness," Freddie made an "X" with his forefinger over his heart. "Promise."

"I'm serious Freddie," Carly crossed her arms over her chest. "Because you are really important to me and I don't want to mess up our friendship."

"I'm serious too," Freddie replied. "Should we ankle swear?"

"You and me, Ankle Swear?" Carly grinned. "Do you even know how to do it?"

"I've been watching you and Sam for years, I think I can manage," he smiled back.

"Ok," Carly agreed. "No weirdness between us after we, ummm…," she paused.

"Have insanely hot birthday sex," Freddie finished.

Carly raised an eyebrow. It was damn near impossible for her to imagine 'insanely hot sex' with Fredward Benson, the guy who had an acute case of "Average" but anything was possible, right?

Now Freddie had done another shot with Sam, mostly because Sam wanted to "wash the taste of Nerd Dick out of her mouth" but also because he was a little nervous about having sex with Carly. He'd had intercourse a whopping six and half times in his entire life (the 'half' involved a Liberal Arts major, a box of whole grain cereal and glitter body paint). He knew he wasn't as experienced as the guys Carly usually dated. And we all know alcohol is the cure for insecurity.

Anyway…

When he leaned forward to grab Carly's ankle his equilibrium didn't cooperate and he tumbled to the floor, taking Carly with him. Fortunately, due to the amount of beer and liquor in their bodies, neither felt any real pain as they fell to the barely carpeted cement floor of the dorm room.

"Carly, are you alright?" Freddie asked as he rubbed his elbow.

Her high pitched giggling was the response.

"You are sooo drunk," she laughed.

"You're drunk too," he pointed at her. "And you haven't done ANY shots!"

"I'll do a shot," Carly announced loudly.

"Alright," Freddie helped her back to her feet and prepared a full shot of whiskey for her. He was about to hand her the glass when he suddenly had a much better idea. Setting it to the side, he took off his shirt and tossed it on the floor.

"Freddie, what are you doing?" Carly asked, a hint of alarm in her voice.

"Body shots," Freddie winked as he sat on the floor leaning against his bed, holding the shot glass between his pectorals.

"You have body hair," Carly stated, her nose wrinkling at the thought of running her tongue over the fuzz that had accumulated on his chest since high school.

"You said you'd do a shot," Freddie gave her the eyes; the big, puppy dog eyes that she hated – yet was unable to resist.

"Fine," Carly moved forward kneeling down in front of him, assuming a position similar to the one Sam had been in not too long ago.

"One, two…," Freddie began the countdown, watching as Carly's mouth opened. Her pink tongue made an appearance, moving closer to his chest. "Three," he finished, tipping the glass just enough to let a few drops hit his skin. He was going to milk this for all it was worth.

Carly's tongue caught the drops right where they landed and Freddie let a few more fall. He watched as her tongue slid sideways to catch the newly fallen whiskey, leaving a wet trail over his breast bone. His skin tingled where the warmth of her mouth had once been and he tipped the shot glass again, until a light trickle ran down to his body.

Carly adjusted her position, placing her hands on his hip bones and tilting her head to the side. She lapped up the liquid, almost greedily, adding a few kisses much to Freddie's delight.

He and Carly had partied together so much that he knew her drinking habits as well as he knew his own. There was a _very_ fine line between drunk-horny Carly and drunk-puking Carly and he had a feeling they were approaching that line. He put the glass to his own mouth and finished the last bit.

Carly's mouth was still on him, and so Freddie set the glass on the floor next to him and gently cupped her face. "Carly," he licked his lips, barely tasting the once bitter whiskey.

"Ummm," she replied, as their eyes met over the drunken haze.

Then Freddie's hungry gaze dropped to her mouth, her lips, her tongue before summoning the courage to bring her face up to his. There was a moment of hesitation on his part, but not on hers. Carly's lips pressed against his, her hands swept up his bare chest to his shoulders.

It was their first kiss.

Freddie lost himself in that kiss for a moment. Carly was entirely different than Sam, though each girl was amazing in her own way. It wasn't a competition. He couldn't necessarily say that one of them was 'better' than the other. But maybe it was because of the ultimate goal of the evening that Carly took their kissing to a higher intensity than Sam had.

There are only so many ways to describe a kiss, and this one left Freddie breathless. To the point where he had to break away, leaving Carly to nibble along his jaw toward his earlobe. She didn't say a word. Her soft exhales tickled his ears, sending shivers down his spine all the way to his dick (which responded immediately, despite the amount of alcohol in his system).

Her mouth trailed down his neck, lightly sucking along his collarbone. Freddie's hands dropped past her shoulders to her chest, where his fingers tentatively circled the tips of her breasts. Descending further he took the edge of her shirt and began to pull it over her head.

There was a moment where depth perception seemed to be an issue, on both their parts. The shirt tangled between their limbs with a slight stretching (not quite ripping) sound. It was met with a "we're really drunk" and a light laugh before Carly began kissing him again.

Somehow they made it onto his bed. Carly was lying on her back, her red lace bra replaced with a sheer black one. Freddie slowly unfastened her jeans, knowing the underwear would be just as black and just as sheer. And he was not disappointed. The low cut panties were indeed see through and tied on with ribbons. The silky black bows sat on her hips, begging to be unlaced.

He felt like an ass for wearing his Spiderman boxers. Sam spit in the last decent clean pair he had. Hopefully Carly wouldn't think he was_ that_ much of a geek. It was their first (and probably only) time together and he was wearing Goddam 'My spider sense is tingling' boxer shorts. What the fuck was he thinking? He should have just gone commando. No wonder he didn't have a girlfriend.

Freddie unbuttoned his jeans and in a split second decision, slid the embarrassing underwear down along with his pants. He confidence was about to return when he heard Carly gasp.

"Oh my God, you're naked!" Her head snapped back against the mattress and her eyes fixated on the ceiling.

Freddie wasn't sure how to take that comment, and even with the alcohol (like any other guy) he had a sensitivity about what girls thought of him naked.

"You kinda have to be naked to have sex," he said as he crawled onto the bed over her.

"Maybe we should get under the covers," Carly said as she swung her forearm over her face, covering her eyes. "This is getting weird for me."

"Why is this weird?" Freddie was on all fours on the bed, each arm/leg pair on either side of Carly.

"I saw your penis," Carly said sucking in her breath.

"Carly, you've seen a lot of penises," Freddie reminded her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Carly snapped.

"Huh?" Freddie squinted as his brain cells struggled to interpret the female mind.

"You think I'm a ho-bag don't you?" Carly whined. "Oh my God, my best friend thinks I'm a slut," she sniffed and rubbed her eye.

"Carly I don't think that at all," Freddie leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"You mean it?" Carly asked.

"Definitely," Freddie lowered himself to his elbows as he kissed her lips. He stretched his legs back until he was resting on top of her. Their skin touched in places it never had before. Carly's body felt so warm and soft under his. He reached up to her shoulder and slid the bra strap down, his mouth following its path. Cutting inward once he was aligned with her breasts, he used his teeth to lower the bra cups. At least he tried to.

After a couple futile attempts, Carly laced her fingers together and cupped the nape of his neck. "Freddie," she whispered gently but firmly urging his attention back to her face. "Let's get under the covers."

He pushed himself back until he was sitting on heels. Carly slipped out from under him, turning down the striped comforter and sheet that was underneath. He slid underneath and covered his lower half, waiting for Carly to join him.

She stood next to the bed with her back to him, her hands reaching behind her to unhook her bra.

"I can do that for you," Freddie offered.

"I got it," Carly replied.

Freddie watched as all evidence of the bra disappeared. Only the bare skin of her back was visible. She sat on the edge of the bed, still facing away from him. Freddie sat up moving closer to her. Without hesitation he peppered kisses along her shoulders, sweeping her hair off to the side as he cleared a path up her neck.

They'd had many conversations about sex, confiding in each other as friends do about the good, the bad and the abnormal things their respective partners had done to them. From time to time Carly would mention things that she particularly enjoyed and Freddie had always intended to try them with his next one (or more) night stand. He never thought he'd get the chance to do them to Carly.

One thing she liked was being kissed around her neck. There were certain spots that were more electric than others. Freddie knew he found one of them when the goose bumps began forming on her arm. He grazed his teeth up and down the groove, sucking just hard enough to avoid leaving marks.

Her head fell against the opposite shoulder as her hand raked its way through his hair. Freddie leaned on one arm, wrapping the other around her midsection while his hand caressed the top of her thigh.

Her hand brushed his, as did the last article of clothing she wore. She turned her head sideways, nudging Freddie's head away from her neck. Sliding her knees onto the bed, she traced a single finger down the length of his torso.

Freddie's eyes closed and his breathing hitched. This was really going to happen.

Then Carly was beneath him again, his hips were nestled between her thighs. His sense of touch was solely in his groin. She was kissing him again, her tongue swirled around his. He fought against the mattress to get his arms around her.

While he held her, she wiggled beneath him raising her pelvis, rubbing herself against him. Carly's hands were on his waist, holding him in place as she moved under him. He felt the tip of his erection sliding along her wetness, and the anticipation was intense. He wasn't sure what to do – stop and get a condom now or wait for her to say something.

Then it happened.

Penetration.

"Oh fuck, Carly," Freddie muttered as their bodies joined together. He ceased all motion, holding both their bodies in limbo afraid of cumming that very second.

"What's wrong, Freddie?" Carly panted into his ear.

"uh…uh…," he tried to make words, but all the blood had rushed south.

"Is it too weird for you?" Carly continued, her tongue circling along his ear.

"No….," he found his voice. "You?"

"mmmmm Freddie," she moaned, kissing down his neck as her hips rolled up against his.

_Fuck…_

Freddie buried his head into Carly's neck, quickly assessing the situation:

Carly was on birth control. He watched her take it everyday at breakfast. His mom made sure he was vaccinated for everything from the Flu to Feline Leukemia. And most importantly, it was his Birthday –

_Just fuck her already! _His libido cried.

"Freddie," Carly's lips found his again, her tongue enticing its way into his mouth. Her hands rode over his ass, pulling him into her. He didn't resist.

Carly set the pace which was painstakingly slow. Feeling every centimeter as her tight insides pulsed around his cock was more than he could take. Freddie was trembling as he fought the urge to just fuck the hell out her.

"Carly, please," he begged as his erection came almost all the way out of her, the tip barely holding on at her entrance.

"please what?" she whispered through half closed eyes.

"Go faster," Freddie answered.

Her tongue emerged from her mouth and ran along her upper lip. She leaned up toward him, soliciting another kiss. Freddie took that as a yes, and began to thrust hard into her.

Their motion rocked the bed, causing the cheap dorm frame to squeak obnoxiously. Freddie was vaguely aware of that noise, but the sound that mattered to him was Carly's loud declarations of pleasure. His fingers dug into her shoulders as he pounded into her. He was fully in control now, but Freddie knew he wouldn't last very long…

When Carly's legs wrapped around his waist, it was over. He held her against him, as if it was possible to get any deeper inside her. Freddie was panting hard, trying to regain his breath when Carly giggled. He looked at her in exasperation, what could possibly be funny?

"I never saw your cum face before," Carly grinned as she brushed her fingers against his cheek. "It was kinda cute."

Freddie smiled and rested his forehead against hers. She ran her thumbnails along his spine, down and back up again.

"I told you it wouldn't be weird," Freddie kissed the tip of her nose.

"We'll discuss that tomorrow, when we're sober," Carly kissed him back lightly.

"Maybe we should just stay drunk," Freddie suggested.

They laid together for awhile trading kisses, until certain secretions made it uncomfortable and they were forced to get up and change the sheets.

While Carly packed his laundry bag, Freddie sent Sam a quick text. He was fighting the spinning sensation, and his vision was far from 20/20. He knew what he meant to say, but he had a feeling his spelling was way off. He looked at the clock, the numbers were a red blur. He tried to remember how many shots he did. There was ten of the half shots, then seven to get his wish. Seventeen. Then one more with Sam. Eighteen. Then half with Carly for a grand total of eighteen and half shots.

Not Bad.

And he still had more Birthday fun to look forward to.

Carly and Sam had no idea he found out about the Surprise Party they were throwing for him on Saturday night. He'd been working on Carly's computer and she left her e-mail open, more specifically a new message from Spencer.

_Operation Stripper 4 Freddie – Accomplished._

_You and Sam owe me $200_

He curled up in his bed next to Carly with a smile on his face. This was going to be a good weekend.


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has attempted the 21 shots challenge. And to those of you who haven't yet - Trust me - it's never pretty.**

* * *

Chapter Seven

The next morning Freddie slowly stirred in his bed. His head hurt and he made no attempt to open his eyes. He thought he'd be able to make it to class this morning… wishful thinking. He felt strands of hair matted against his lips. Bringing his hand to his face, he opened his mouth and tried to wipe them away. When he touched his face something wet and chunky met his fingers.

_Oh my God – Carly puked in my bed!_

He opened his eyes quickly and sat up, despite the pain in his head. It took a moment to focus on his surroundings. Carly was spooned beside him. She groaned and pulled the sheet back over her head.

"Five more minutes…," she mumbled.

He looked at the second lump on the far side of Carly, flush against the wall.

_Who the hell was that?_

He looked back at his hand, sniffing cautiously. Definitely not vomit. Bring his hand closer to his nose, he sniffed again…. Familiar….it was… Salsa.

He patted his face with the back of his hand, and found more of it in his hair and on his pillow.

_What the fuck? _

Freddie knew that when he went to bed, there was no Salsa in his dorm room. He looked down at his bare chest. There were yellow crumbs scattered though his chest hair. He picked one up and examined it.

Nachos.

"Carly," he poked the figure beside him angrily.

"Five more…," she mumbled pulling the sheet tighter over her head.

"SAM!" he yelled as he reached over Carly poking the lump next to her. He told her a million times not to eat in his bed.

"Shhh!" Carly pulled the covers down. Her eyes were squeezed shut. Her hair was wet, matted and filled with more nacho crumbs.

"Sam," he leaned over shaking the lump again.

"That's not Sam, she's sleeping on the floor," Carly told him, before pulling the covers back over her head.

"What?" Freddie exclaimed as he looked on the floor next to the bed. Sam was curled up in a ball with his pillow and the blanket from his bed. A few jars of Salsa and some empty Nacho bags were lying nearby, along with the empty bag of Dorkskitos and a duck piñata.

_A Duck Pinata?_

Freddie looked back at the figure next to Carly, suddenly feeling scared.

_If that's Mandy, I'm going to shoot myself right here, right now…_

He grasped the covers preparing to pull them back. _One, Two Three…_ He counted in his head, his fingers flexing on the plush material. Then he chickened out and looked away, sliding back under the covers next to Carly.

He turned his head to the side and looked at Sam, before staring up at the ceiling. His heart was racing in his chest and he rolled on his side to face Carly.

"Carly," he whispered. "Who's that next to you?"

"What?" Carly opened one eye, "it's you."

"On the other side," Freddie clarified.

Carly rolled over and pulled the covers over her head.

"Is it Mandy?" he cringed as he asked that.

"It's your laundry duffle bag," came the curt reply. "Now go back to sleep."

_My laundry bag?_

Freddie sat up and grasped hold of the lump. He ran his hand back and forth several times, confirming that it was not a person. He sighed with relief.

Getting out of bed, he stepped over Sam who was out cold. Freddie got his shower caddy and a towel and made his way toward the door. Next to his desk were the two bottle of Jack Daniels, both were completely empty. He took another step and his bare foot hit a wet spot on the carpet. Looking back at the empty bottles he deduced that they must have spilled on the floor. Probably Sam. He'd clean it up later.

The hallway was empty. Most of the students were either at breakfast or in class. Having the bathroom all to himself would be nice. He glanced in each of the shower stalls, trying to figure out which one was the cleanest (the answer being none of them). The middle stall had vomit all over the walls. Disgusting.

Freddie chose the first stall, slipped on his shower shoes and arranged all his belongings before making his morning visit to the urinal. His mind replayed bits of the previous night. The way Sam's tongue felt on his dick. The way it felt to have unprotected sex…While it was all awesome, a bit of sadness crept up because he knew it strictly a one time opportunity. Well maybe not with Sam, he consoled himself, she did mention her birthday…

Having hot water for your shower was a rare treat and Freddie enjoyed every minute of it. He dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist before getting his toothbrush, toothpaste, floss and mouthwash. He examined his face in the mirror, still mostly smooth from when he shaved yesterday. It would pass his mom's inspection.

Packing everything back into the caddy, he returned to the dorm room where he found Sam had taken his spot in the bed. The laundry bag was on the floor, its seams about to burst. He didn't remember having that much laundry to bring home…the sheets, he remembered making a mental note to do his own laundry this weekend. His mom would freak out if she saw them.

Freddie scrounged through the dresser for something to wear. For some reason a bunch of his clothes were missing. He frowned and looked over at Sam, then the wet spot on the floor. _Probably used my shirts to clean it up._ Some of Sam's habits **really **got on his nerves.

He glanced at the clock, 11:30am – It was lunchtime! Carly didn't take her birth control pill! The only thing he knew about the pill was that she had to take it at the same time everyday. _Shit! _Freddie rushed to the bed, straddling over Sam to reach the brunette.

"Carly wake up!" he said urgently shaking her shoulder.

"What!" Carly screeched as she flung the sheet off her body and sat up angrily.

"You forgot to take your pill," Freddie told her.

"I took it already," Carly said with a sigh. "Now please, can you just let me and Sam sleep. We've been up all night."

"I can see that," Freddie said with annoyance. "Why didn't you guys trash _your_ dorm room?"

"Freddie…," Carly rubbed her eyes. "I cleaned everything up."

"You call this clean?" Freddie replied. "I woke up with Salsa and nacho crumbs all over me, and there's a huge wet spot on the carpet."

"I don't want to hear it, Benson," Carly said huffily as she climbed out of the bed. "I'm going back to my room," she announced as she collected her things from the top of the dresser. "Text me when you're ready to drive home," with that she stormed out of the room slamming the door loudly behind her.

Freddie frowned. Why was Carly being such a bitch? Is this what she meant by things being weird between them?

There was a soft chuckle from under the covers.

"What's so funny, Sam?" Freddie had a leg on either side of her. He sat on her thighs, as he pulled the covers down exposing her face.

"You obviously don't remember anything about last night do you?" she said with a wide grin.

"I remember everything," Freddie countered.

"Why is there a wet spot on the floor?" Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Because _you_ spilled my JD," Freddie answered.

"Bzzzzz, WRONG!" Sam laughed. "Try again, Fredaholic – and that's a hint by the way."

"**I **spilled it?" Freddie cocked his head at Sam.

Sam rubbed her chin in thought for a moment. "Not exactly, but close enough," she laced her hands behind her head. "You barfed – ALL over the floor, dude."

"What?" Freddie was shocked. "I don't remember that."

"No shit," Sam replied. "I told her you wouldn't."

"I have a feeling there's a lot more to this story," Freddie said nervously.

"I'll hit the highlights," Sam gave him a sympathetic smile. "I get this crazy text from you about 2am, so I come back here and you answer the door buck naked."

Freddie winced. He had no recollection of that.

"You told me that you wanted to drink some more but Carly had already passed out. So then you did six more shots and declared you had another wish coming. FYI – you wished for a threesome with me and Carly," Sam grinned. "There's **no way** you could handle both of us."

"That's what you think," Freddie grinned back.

"Yeah, keep dreaming," Sam laughed and continued the story. "We told you 'no', so then you got pissed off and left. I followed you all the way across campus to Greek Row where you proclaimed to an entire fraternity that I give the best blow jobs," Sam paused. "I'm not sure if I should be mad or flattered. Anyway, did I mention you were only wearing your Spidey boxers?"

Freddie sucked his lower lip into his mouth and bit down. Humiliation was an understatement.

"Oh and I took a couple pictures too. They're on my phone," Sam gestured to the desk. "I explained to everyone that it was your birthday, blah, blah, blah and then someone gave you that pinata and a bag of nachos and salsa. You were starting to act like an asshole, so I made you come back here. You took two steps in the door and bleeehhh," Sam made a vomiting sound, "all over the floor."

"oh shit," Freddie glanced back at the spot by the door. "Carly cleaned it up didn't she?"

"You need to seriously kiss that girl's ass," Sam said sincerely. "I don't even know how many times you barfed on her. I had to leave, this whole place reeked."

"I threw up on Carly," Freddie repeated in disbelief.

"One time you got her right in the face," Sam shook her head. "I have no fucking idea how she didn't puke."

"She's really pissed off isn't she?" Freddie climbed over Sam and flopped down next to her.

"I think she just needs to sleep," Sam shrugged. "But, apologize ok? You said some stuff…," Sam trailed off.

"What did I say?" Freddie asked, now a little worried.

"You were trashed. You didn't know what you were saying," Sam patted his wet hair. "I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"But you did," Freddie looked at her, "so now you have to tell me."

"Just apologize," Sam yawned, "and wake me up when it's time to leave." She pulled the covers back up and closed her eyes.

Freddie got out of bed and took Sam's phone off the desk. He turned it on and looked through the pictures. They were dark and most were out of focus, but there was one very clear picture of him with the damn piñata under one arm and the other arm around Sam. And even though it was freezing outside, he only had on his boxers.

_I'm NEVER drinking again_. He told himself.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Over the years, Freddie and Carly had their share of fights (as all friends do) but she'd never been this mad about anything before. He must have said some pretty awful stuff to her.

He cowered in the backseat of the car, behind Sam who sat in the driver's seat. Carly wore her sunglasses, not that there was much sun but because she had huge dark circles under her eyes. He tried to apologize, but she snapped at him and so he just kept his mouth shut. He decided to try again later, after she got more sleep.

If not for the music playing the car would be deathly silent. Freddie leaned against the side window and closed his eyes. The steady hum of the car on the highway lulled him to sleep.

At first he thought he was dreaming but then he realized he'd woken up in the middle of a conversation Sam and Carly were having. He kept his eyes closed pretending to be asleep and listened.

"You owe me fifty bucks, " Sam announced.

"For what?" Carly exclaimed.

"Remember junior year, when I bet you that you'd fuck Freddie someday and you said 'oh I could never do that, he's my best friend'", Sam explained mocking Carly's high school voice. "You fucked him, so pay up, sister."

"First of all, that wasn't a bet – bet," Carly said to Sam. "And second, you sucked his dick. I believe you said and I quote "I'd rather be celebate for the rest of my life than let Freddie's dick near any of my orafices."

Both the girls started laughing.

"We were such nubs in high school," Sam commented.

"Speak for yourself," Carly replied. "I was never a nub."

There was more laughing before Sam asked quietly, "Seriously though, how was it? Good? Bad? Weird?"

"Well, I thought it was going to be weird and it was, at first. But then it was nice," Carly answered.

"Nice?" Sam snorted. "Come on, Carly. Nice what you tell your grandpa when gets you one of those fugly sweaters for Christmas."

"Sam…," Carly stalled.

"No way. You always tell me everything. No secrets now," Sam shifted in her seat. "Gimme the deets!"

"Well tell me what it was like to suck his dick," Carly countered avoiding the question.

"And then you'll tell me about _doing it with Fred-die,_" Sam sang.

"Fine."

"Ok, so I told Freddie to strip and he did..,"

"Wait a minute, you actually said "Strip," Carly interrupted.

"Naw, it was more like 'take your fucking pants off, bitch,'" Sam replied.

"OMG, you called Freddie a bitch," Carly laughed.

_LIAR! That did not happen._ Freddie fought hard not to interrupt with his own comments.

"Well he is," Sam laughed. "I always figured he had a mangina…"

"A mangina," Carly laughed.

_Magina? What the fuck! _Freddie glowered. Stupid Puckett.

"The little soldier was already at attention, so I finished my beer and started sucking,"

_Little soldier!_ _He wasn't __**that **__little._ Freddie reminded himself that this is why you shouldn't eavesdrop on other people's conversations.

"Then he started moaning and shit, you know typical stuff. Grabbing my hair and all that. Then," Sam sighed loudly, "he didn't give me the courtesy warning."

"NO!" Carly gasped in shock.

"It shot out so fast I thought I was gonna fucking choke," Sam continued.

"Ewwwww," Carly squealed. "What did you do?"

"What do you think I did? I pulled it out of my mouth and let him cum on himself. Then I spit in his boxers."

"That's so foul," Carly sympathized.

"But then I made out with him," Sam said triumphantly.

"So after he came in your mouth, he let you kiss him?"

"Yeah, and he was actually kinda into it," Sam told Carly.

"That's interesting…," Carly said slowly. "So how would you rate him?"

"Well, I've been thinking about that," Sam said, "and I think he's gonna be a triangle."

_A triangle?_ Freddie thought to himself. _What the fuck kind of rating system were they using?_

"Your turn," Sam shifted in her seat again. "Don't worry – he's totally passed out."

"Oh shit!" Carly exclaimed.

Freddie felt the car swerve as a horn blasted almost right next to him. Then there was a gust of wind as Sam rolled down her window.

"ASSHOLE!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Yeah, asshole!" Carly seconded though not as loud.

"Sam, you're gonna miss the exit!"

"I'm trying to get over…,"

There was another jolt as Sam slammed on the brakes. Freddie opened his eyes and sat up quickly..

"I can't believe that guy," Carly said to Sam.

"Did you see his license plate?" Sam replied. "It said 2HOT4U."

"Look who's awake," Carly said as she looked over her shoulder into the backseat.

"What did I miss?" Freddie tried to act casual.

"Just some asshole in a Porshe," Sam answered as her lead foot sank the gas pedal to the floor. They cruised through the yellow-red light at the top of the exit ramp.

Ten minutes later, they pulled up in front of the apartment building.

"See you guys later," Sam called as she toggled the trunk release lever. Carly got out first, folding her seat forward so Freddie could squeeze out of the backseat. While he was taking his bags out of the trunk, he saw his mom waiting in the lobby.

"Carly," Freddie turned to his friend who was busily getting her own belongings out of the trunk. "Can we talk later?"

"I'm going out with Sam," she replied not even looking at him.

He wanted to say more, but his mom cut in between them. "Freddie!" she exclaimed wrapping her arms around him and planting a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Mom," Freddie winced. Was she always going to treat him like he was a kid?

"Hey Marissa!" Sam said as she leaned out the window.

"Hello Samantha," his mother replied icily.

It had been that way ever since Sam's eighteenth birthday. Once she 'legally' became an adult she got the idea in her head that she was now on a first name basis with all grown ups. No one could convince her otherwise.

"And Hello Hangover," his mom continued after taking one look at Carly.

"Nice to see you too," Carly mumbled as she threw her bags over her shoulder.

"Want some help?" Freddie asked.

"No, I got it," the brunette replied, yanking the door open then wedging her foot against the base to keep it from closing again.

"Yo Shay," Sam called as she hung out the window, looking over the roof. "Pick you up at nine."

Carly nodded as she went through the door into the lobby.

"Where are you guys going?" Freddie asked her.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Sam winked.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Only two chapters to go until the big "Finale"**

* * *

Chapter 9

"Freddie, go wash your hands," Mrs. Benson called loudly. "Dinner is almost ready."

Freddie continued playing his computer game. It was the only thing that kept his thoughts from the two questions burning in his mind right now. 1- What the hell did he say to Carly that made her so mad? And 2 – Where could Carly and Sam possibly be going at 9pm on a Friday night? He ruled out Groovy Smoothie, the mall and the movies because Sam would have told him if they were going there. He doubted they were going to a bar because Sam had been thrown out of every one within walking distance. So what other options did they have? A party? Probably one that he hadn't been invited to. Being a nerd really sucked sometimes.

"Freddie!" his mom called again.

He grumbled as he got up from the laptop and went into the bathroom. Turning the faucet he waited a few moments for the water to warm up while staring at the assortment of antibacterial soaps, disinfecting sprays and containers of bleach-based cleaners. He knew his mom would die if he told her sometimes he'd didn't wash his hands _right_ before eating when he was at school. But because he was home he would oblige, just like he always did. Maybe someday when he had his own apartment…

The delicious scent of dinner entered his nostrils and his mouth watered accordingly. He was floored when his mom told him he was having steak for dinner. She even skipped the lecture on the dangers of red meat and saturated fat which was equally astonishing.

On the table were two place settings. His mom's which had a small piece of grilled chicken and a pile of steamed vegetables and his which contained a generous sized filet and a baked potato loaded with sour cream, shredded cheese and bacon.

"No vegetables?" he asked.

"I thought you could skip them tonight," his mom replied.

Freddie gasped as he realized hell had just frozen over. He sat down in the chair, unfolded the cloth napkin and rested it on his lap.

"So," his mother smiled wide, "would you like a beer with your dinner?"

Freddie sighed. He knew it would be way too suspicious if he said 'no thank you'. So much for "I'm never drinking again." Besides it was just one beer, right?

Just over an hour later he'd killed the six pack of beer his mom had bought for him. She bought the 'good' stuff too; dark, rich and incredibly tasty. He didn't feel guilty, especially since she'd taken down an entire bottle of Pinot de Grigio with her dinner.

"Get your coat," his mom said as she loaded the last plate into the dishwasher.

"What for?" Freddie raised his eyebrow.

"We're going out," she replied.

-o-

_(LYRICS courtesy of Steppenwolf)_

"_Like a true nature's child_

_We were born, born to be wild…"_

Freddie hid behind his mug of beer. If he had known "going out" meant meeting up with his mom's fellow nurses at the Karaoke Bar he would have suddenly contracted Malaria or some other rare tropical disease. There simply wasn't enough beer in the world to make this experience anything less than painful.

"_Born to be wiiiiiilllllllddd!"_

He slunk further down in his seat as his mom wailed that last line. What he wouldn't give to have Sam or Carly here right now, but neither of them were returning his texts. He even tried Spencer who simply replied: Sux 2 B U.

"Another pitcher?" the waitress asked as she scooped the empty one from the table.

"Please," Freddie replied as he finished the last drops from his mug.

By 10 pm when he joined his mom onstage, he completely lost track of how much beer he'd consumed.

"If's my twennny fibst birfday," he held the microphone less than a centimeter from his mouth which didn't help the drunken slur. "An I wanf to dediscate thif song to my mom, 'cause I luf her."

"Ohhh Freddie!" his mom fanned her eyes as she began to cry.

He gave her a big hug as everyone in the bar let out a collective "awwwww."

Now on the playlist, there weren't a whole lot of songs that Freddie knew the words to and his in present condition the lyrics on the monitor were quite blurry. Perhaps Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman wasn't themost appropriatesong to sing to your mom, but Freddie stopped caring a few beers back.

All he knew was that he got a standing ovation for the first time in his life.

After that the night flew by. Freddie had hazy memories of walking home with his mom. He was fairly certain that Spencer had to help them get the key in their apartment door.

Freddie collapsed into bed, still in his clothes. His mom tucked him in, kissing his forehead and wishing him Happy Birthday. She was in the middle of telling him she put a bucket next to his bed 'just in case' when he passed out.

At 1:42 pm Saturday afternoon Freddie woke up to a glass of water and two aspirin on the nightstand next to him along with a note that said "I had a great time last night." For a split second Freddie forgot he was home and briefly thought he may have had another one night stand. But then he recognized the handwriting and sighed. Having sex two nights in a row was something he could only dream about. Maybe eventually when he had a girlfriend…

He got out of bed, tripped over the bucket (which, thankfully, was empty) and slammed his thigh into the corner of the dresser. After using a few expletives, he sat back on his bed rubbing his leg. Yep, that was going to leave a mark. He smiled. It was his first non-Puckett related injury in quite some time.

Wandering out into the living room he saw clean laundry folded and piled high on the coffee table. His mom was sitting on the couch, eyes red and puffy like she'd been crying.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Freddie asked as he rubbed his eyes groggily.

"Freddie, sit down," she patted the cushion next to her. "We need to talk."

Freddie's eyes scanned the laundry pile and he saw his sheets. _Oh fuck_ he thought to himself. _She KNOWS._

"I know that being away at school has provided you with the opportunity to experience many different things." his mom began, "So, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Freddie swallowed hard, suddenly feeling like he was in high school again. There was no way his mom was naïve enough to think that he was still a virgin. He was twenty one! Why didn't he just do his own laundry yesterday instead of playing on his laptop?

"About what?" he replied feigning innocence. _Let her say it first._

He watched as his mom reached behind her back and brought forward a black piece of fabric. She placed it on her lap, smoothing it flat. Freddie's heart thudded in his chest when he realized it was Carly's underwear. They must have gotten tangled in the sheets or something.

"I can explain…" he stammered.

"Oh this is all my fault," his mom started crying again. "I knew that there was a strong possibility this would happen. I just thought…" she trailed off sinking her face in her hands.

"Mom, it's ok…" Freddie reached over and put his arm around her. "I'm not a kid anymore, remember?"

"Oh Freddie, I'm so sorry!" his mom blubbered as she embraced him.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Freddie said in confusion. "It was going to happen eventually."

That just made his mom cry harder. "You are my son, Fredward Benson," she said sitting up and wiping away her tears, "and I will love you no matter what."

"Uh, I love you too, mom."

"I think maybe you should do your own laundry from now on," Mrs. Benson continued. "And I'll return those boxers I bought you for your birthday." She wiped her eyes and smiled weakly. "I'll get a gift card instead, so you can pick out what you like."

"Mom, the boxers were fine," Freddie looked at her uncertainly.

Then she handed him back the underwear, "These are very pretty. Did your…," she paused, taking a deep breath, "your… partner get them for you?"

"My _partner_," Freddie gasped in shock. "I'm NOT gay!" he yelled loudly. "God, why does everyone think that? I like girls. Believe me, I like girls A LOT. And these belong to…" he shouted as he waved the panties in front of him, "…a girl." Freddie caught himself right before he blurted out Carly's name.

"Freddie sweetheart, you don't have to lie to me," Mrs. Benson rested her hands on her son's shoulders. "I am going to keep an open mind about this."

"I'm NOT gay," Freddie declared once more. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I want to believe you," Mrs. Benson replied, "but I also want you to know it's ok to have feelings for other men." She took a deep breath then rose from the couch taking a stack of laundry with her.

Freddie sunk his head down trying to reign in the anger. This whole gay thing was getting out of control. Sam teasing him was one thing, but knowing that his own mother doubted his sexually _really_ bothered him. Maybe he should just date crazy Mandy then people would think he was just desperate (which was the truth).

He balled the black material in his fist. "Going across the hall," he called to his mom. He paused at the door, realizing he had on the same clothes from yesterday and hadn't brushed his teeth. Well, it wasn't like Spencer and Carly hadn't seen him in worse shape. He slammed the door behind him, a juvenile yet effective way to let his mom know he was mad.

Freddie knocked loudly on the Shay's door and Spencer answered covered in wood chips, some sort of thick paste and multi-colored rubber bands. Freddie shook his head slightly, you never knew what to expect with Spencer.

"Well, goooood morning sunshine," Spencer grinned as he flung the door open and stepped to the side. "How are you feeling?" he asked a little too loudly.

"Sober," Freddie answered as he stepped into the familiar living room. Carly was sitting on the floor surrounded by her class notes. She was busily typing on her laptop, glancing over at him briefly before returning to her task.

"There's only one remedy for that. Breakfast beer?" Spencer offered making his way to the kitchen.

"It's almost 2 in the afternoon, Spence," Carly corrected him.

Ignoring her, Spencer took two bottles of beer out of the fridge and held them up against the counter, slamming down with his hand to pop the caps.

Freddie made his way to the kitchen, noticing that Carly hadn't said so much as 'hello'. He set the underwear on the table and took a sip of the beer.

"What's this?" Spencer asked taking a long swing from his own beer and picking up the undergarment. "Oooohhhh," he raised his eyebrows as he examined it. "Very nice. Souvenier from last night?" the elder Shay nudged him with his elbow.

"Actually those are Carly's," Freddie replied.

There was a choking sound as Spencer dropped them and his beer to the floor, freeing both hands to cover his mouth. He hastily leaned over the kitchen sink, hacking and spraying himself in the face with water.

"You alright?" Freddie asked as he tried to see over Spencer.

"Blind…" Spencer mumbled as he rubbed dish soap in his eyes.

Freddie looked behind him as Carly came into the kitchen, no doubt to see what was wrong with Spencer.

"Freddie!" she cried angrily as she swooped down to remove her underwear from the kitchen floor.

"Don't be mad at me. YOU left them in my bed."

"Ahhhhh!" Spencer screamed as he covered his ears.

"Stop it, Spencer!" Carly shut off the water and yanked him by the back of his shirt. He straightened up quickly, the water beads leaving his face and hair to wet his little sister.

"YOU!" he pointed to her, "And …" he pointed to Freddie with the other hand, his arms making an 'X" over each other. There was a gasping sound as he clutched his chest, falling to the floor.

"Get up," Carly kicked his leg.

Spencer's body convulsed briefly then went limp again.

"I can't believe this," Carly shoved her underwear in the pocket of her jeans. She took the sprayer out of the sink and turned the water on again. Then she turned to face Freddie and pressed down on the handle.

"Hey!," Freddie exclaimed as the cold water hit him in the chest. He ran and ducked behind the far counter, peering over the top as Carly pointed the stream downward at her brother.

"Uncle!" Spencer cried out as he sat up, woodchips and a rainbow array of rubber bands outlining where he had been lying.

Carly replaced everything in the sink then offered Spencer her hand pulling him to his feet. He reached for a dishtowel and began wiping off his face.

Freddie stood up as Carly made her way over to him. "We need to talk, NOW!" she caught a fistful of his shirt and tugged it so hard Freddie thought it would rip. They went back through the door and out into the hallway.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" she screamed at him.

"Carly, stop yelling," Freddie glanced at the door to his apartment. He had no idea what Carly was going to say, but he was pretty sure he didn't want his mom to hear it.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she clenched her fists. "I thought we were friends."

"Carly we are friends. We're best friends."

"Then stop acting like an asshole!" With that she turned around and went back into her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Freddie leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest wondering what the hell he did wrong. Was it that big of a deal for Spencer to know they slept together? It's not like he promised to keep it a secret. _Or did he?_ Shit. He couldn't remember.

He reached in his pocket and his phone was still there. He pulled it out and typed a message to Sam:

HELP ME


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Freddie sat at a table for two in the mall's food court. The extra large bucket of fried chicken took up most of the table top barely leaving room to eat. He knew he was grasping at straws asking Sam for advice, and had there been any other option he would have gone with that. But this time there was no one else who could help him.

He heard the commotion before he saw her. A group of kids started yelling and over their banter Sam's loud voice could be heard clearly.

"Get outta my way. I'm hungry and I only get a 30 minute break!"

Freddie turned around in his seat as Sam shouldered between a middle-aged couple in the center aisle. He reluctantly raised his hand and waved to get her attention. Letting people know he was with Sam was equivalent to painting a target on his chest. However, today it had to be done.

"Chicken," Sam smiled as she tore into the bucket.

"Hi Sam," Freddie said.

The blonde grunted in response. A large piece of extra crispy skin hung from her lips.

"Carly is still mad at me," he explained to Sam. "I need you to tell me what I said to her the other night."

Sam rolled her eyes as she took another bite of the thick drumstick. When she finished chewing, she tossed the bone to the side and leaned forward, elbows on the table.

"You sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes."

"Ok," Sam licked her fingers. "You asked for it. And remember don't shoot the messenger."

"Fine. Now will you just tell me?"

"Let me set the scene," she began. "You were puking everywhere. Carly took you into the bathroom and tried to get you to heave over a toilet but you refused. You said you weren't going to put your face anywhere near the bowl because it was 'too dirty'. You started arguing with her, telling her she was being bossy, trying to control you…," Sam leaned in closer, "then you said she was just like your mom."

"I did NOT say that," Freddie's jaw dropped.

"Yeah ya did," Sam bit her lip. "I think if you would have shut up then she might not be so mad."

"There's more," Freddie felt the regret burning inside him.

"You started calling her Carissa."

"Oh no.." Freddie winced. He'd been calling Carly that in his head for a long time now. Mostly when she was acting like a super bitch, which let's face it - was pretty often. Even so, he never meant to say it to her face.

"Then I took you back to your room and she stayed in the bathroom rinsing out your clothes. While you were getting dressed you were telling me what it had been like to 'finally fuck Carly.'"

Freddie cringed at Sam's air quotes.

"I'm not sure how much she heard," Sam frowned, "but I know she heard you say that she was a control freak even during sex."

"NO," Freddie shook his head. "There's no way I said that."

Sam shrugged and took another piece of chicken from the bucket.

"Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you punch me?"

"You were a freaking puke fountain – I wasn't getting close to you."

"Great. So what do I do now?" he looked at Sam.

"How the hell do I know?" she replied while chewing. "I tried to get Carly's side and she won't even talk about what you said. Then when I ask her about the sex, all she says is 'it was nice.' What kind of a lame answer is that?"

"Maybe she thought it _was_ nice," Freddie said defensively.

"Yeah and maybe those awful dinners with her cousins are "nice" too," Sam shot back.

"You made your point," Freddie sighed as what little ego he had was knocked down to nothing.

"Look on the bright side," Sam reached into the bucket and offered him a piece of chicken. "At least we know you're not gay."

Freddie groaned as he bit into his wing. "Could you tell my mom that?"

"Why would I tell Marissa that?" Sam looked at him slightly confused.

Freddie began telling her the story of the underwear, which made Sam laugh so hard she fell off the chair. As she lay on the filthy floor of the Food Court with her arms wrapped around her sides and tears streaming down her cheeks, Freddie finally began to see a slight bit of humor in the whole situation and managed a small smile.

He got out of his seat and offered his hand to Sam to help her up from the floor. She pulled herself up and wrapped her arms around him burying her face into his chest.

Freddie felt her hands rubbing against his back.

"Sam, are you wiping your hands on me?"

"Yep," she pulled away looking up at him with a big grin. "And my face too."

By the time Freddie got home it was almost 6 pm and his mom was getting ready to leave for work.

"Your dinner is on the table," she told him as she gathered her things.

"Thanks," Freddie mumbled as he reached up into the cupboard for a glass.

"I'll be home all day tomorrow if you want to talk," Mrs. Benson told him as she gave him a quick hug.

" 'kay," he replied half hugging her back.

"I love you."

"Love you too," Freddie automatically replied.

Dinner was an underwhelming feast of steamed vegetables on a bed of rice, a far cry from his delicious birthday dinner. As much as people complained about the food at school, what he wouldn't give for a slice of that greasy pepperoni pizza or the make-your-own taco bar.

He sat at the table with his spiral notebook next to him, attempting to compose an appropriate apology to Carly. He began by making an outline of all his offenses.

1. Vomiting on Carly

2. Telling Carly she was just like his mom

3. Calling her Carissa

4. Saying she was a control freak during sex

5. Showing Spencer her underwear

6. Anything else that I can't remember

As he looked at the list he realized that this would require more than an "I'm sorry", this required pure groveling. He took out his phone and dialed Carly's cell.

"What?" she answered on the third ring.

"Can we talk, please?" he asked using his most needy tone.

There was a loud crash.

"Spencer! Are you OK?" Carly yelled loudly.

Freddie heard a groan in the distance.

"Uh, this isn't the best …," Carly began to answer when there was another audible thud. "… time, let me call you back," the she hung up the phone.

Completely discouraged Freddie finished his dinner quickly. He cleaned up after himself then went into his bedroom and began watching Galaxy Wars on his laptop.

The movie was almost at the halfway point, when his phone buzzed. There was a message from Carly.

OK 2 TALK

He practically jumped out of bed and raced through the apartment out into the hallway. Freddie knocked on the door and Carly opened it. She came out into the hall shutting the door behind her.

"Can we talk inside?" Freddie asked looking over her shoulder at the door.

Carly shook her head no, "Spencer," she explained briefly.

"Oh, well, my mom left for work, do you want to come over?" he asked feeling incredibly awkward.

"I guess," Carly replied.

Inside the living room Carly sat on in the corner of the couch, in what can only be described as a defensive stance. Freddie sat opposite her, elbows on his thighs, folding and unfolding his hands as they hung between his knees.

"Carly, I am so sorry for everything that happened the other night," he apologized looking as utterly pathetic as he could (which given his current state wasn't difficult).

"Apologies only count if you know what you're sorry for," the brunette stated flatly.

"I do know," Freddie did his best to make and maintain eye contact as he listed the offending actions.

"So you remember everything," Carly's lips stretched across her face in a thin line.

"No…," he admitted, "Sam told me."

"Humph," Carly flipped her hair back over her shoulder.

"Carly, please give me some leeway. I was completely trashed and had no idea what I was doing or saying. You know I would NEVER say anything like that to anyone – even Sam," Freddie blurted, his frustration evident.

"In vino veritas," Carly crossed her arms over her chest. (Latin for 'In wine there is truth')

"Alright fine, " Freddie snapped. "You want to know the truth – YES I call you Carissa when you're acting like a bitch. And YES, sometimes you do remind me of my mom when you're bossing people around. And yeah, you were a little controlling during…," Freddie trailed off because it was a little weird talking about IT when he was sober.

"You bit me," Carly glared at Freddie not giving him a chance to complete the sentence. "I'm sorry if you think that not letting you use my boob as a chew toy is 'controlling.'"

"I bit you? When?" Freddie thought back to their interlude and made the connection. "No..I… I.. was trying to take your bra off with my teeth…"

Carly sat there looking at him.

"I thought it would be sexy," Freddie explained. "You see guys do it all the time in…um, movies."

"You were trying to be sexy?" Carly's lips started to break into a smile.

"yeah," Freddie sighed. "Didn't work too well, did it?"

"You might want to practice a little more before trying it again," Carly grinned.

"It's not like I get a lot of opportunities to practice," Freddie mumbled under his breath as he leaned back into the couch.

"So why do you think I was controlling?" Carly shifted nervously in her seat.

"You didn't let me do anything," Freddie shrugged.

"I let you be on top," Carly said defensively.

"I know. It wasn't that…," Freddie bounced his knee nervously. "It's just… the guy is supposed to… be more, uh, involved in the ummmm…foreplay part." He knew that wasn't the most articulate way to tell her that he would have liked to undress her and maybe put his mouth somewhere other than her lips.

"Foreplay," Carly's brow furrowed. "We did kinda skip that, or I skipped that," she corrected herself. "Sorry, I was really nervous," she run her palms up and down over the top of her legs.

"I was nervous too," Freddie chuckled softly to himself.

"No, you were drunk," Carly caught on to the lightening mood.

"YOU were drunk," Freddie pointed accusingly. "You walked out of my dorm room in your underwear."

"That's because I _really_ had to pee," Carly laughed as she blushed. "And who WERE those girls in the bathroom?"

"I have no idea, but they seem to think I have no stamina. I'm going to cross them off my "Girls who might have sex with me" list.

Carly laughed and crawled across the couch giving her best friend a warm hug.

"So I'm forgiven?" Freddie asked, tightening his arms around her.

"Yes," Carly replied as her phone buzzed. She let go of Freddie and reached into her pocket checking the display. "Did you eat dinner yet?" she asked.

"Sort of," Freddie told her.

"Do you want to get some cheesecake? One of the servers called out, so Sam is going to cover half her shift."

"Oh God, Sam is waitressing!" Freddie roared with laughter. "This I have to see."

Sam's normal job was quality control, which meant she sat back in a corner of the kitchen and sampled the food. This position required no interaction with customers, because we all know Sam isn't exactly a "people person." Covering for a server meant she would have to talk to people and be **nice.**

-o-

After a brief wait, Carly and Freddie were seated in a small booth in Sam's section. They twisted and turned in their seats trying to catch a glimpse of her. It was close to ten minutes before they saw her coming out of the kitchen, obviously chewing something.

"Are you shitting me?" Sam laughed as she approached their table. "What are you 'tards doing here?"

"Having cheesecake," Carly replied bobbing her head side to side.

"Alright," Sam squeezed into the booth next to Carly. "I can hook you guys up BUT I can't take your order, you'll have to eat what I bring out."

"That's ok we can pay," Freddie told the blonde because quite frankly he didn't want to take a chance on the food that Sam would deliver to their table.

"Carly?" Sam turned to her friend looking for the final answer on the proposal.

"You heard him," Carly gestured to Freddie. "He's buying!"

"That's not what I said," Freddie looked at Carly and laughed.

"Let me see what I got," Sam winked as she got up and took the menus with her.

"But...," Freddie tried to argue but Sam was already two tables down. "I swear if get food poisoning…," he said to Carly.

"You're not going to get food poisoning," Carly laughed.

A few minutes later Sam returned with six cups of coffee and a small pitcher of cream. Carly and Freddie laughed as she also unloaded 12 packs of crackers from her apron before heading over to one of her other tables.

"Coffee and saltines," Freddie commented. "How appetizing."

They'd finished four of the six cups of coffee when Sam came back with a small side salad and at least seven small cups of dressing which she put in front of Freddie.

"Ok," Carly laughed as Freddie pushed the salad across the table to her.

"She probably spit in it," Freddie explained.

"I'm sure she didn't," Carly shook her head as she picked up her fork and stabbed at the lettuce.

It was awhile before Sam returned again. This time she had a half basket of bread and a few tea bags which she tossed on the table as she hurried back into the kitchen.

"Oh my God, " Freddie watched Sam go down the aisle. "She just took this bread off an empty table and gave it to us."

"So? It's bread," Carly replied breaking a piece and dipping it in her salad dressing.

"You don't know who touched it," Freddie lectured. "What if someone picked their nose and then touched that piece of bread."

Carly stopped chewing and held her napkin up to her face, spitting out the partially chewed bread. Placing her soiled napkin next to her plate she looked across the table at him, "If you were on a date, would you have said that?"

"If I was on a date, I'd be ordering food and not eating what other people leave behind," Freddie gave Carly a trying look.

"And you'd also be paying," Carly returned the look.

"You're impossible," Freddie began pushing the empty cups to the edge of the table.

Just then Sam returned with two huge pieces of cheesecake. She sat them on the table and slid into the seat next to Carly again.

"I need you guys to do me a favor," she whispered. "Chef is working on a new flavor and I need some customer feedback."

"What flavor?" Carly asked as she rotated the plate in front of her.

"It's not named yet, but it's a variation of the chocolate brownie cheesecake with a secret ingredient. I've had it and it's really good."

"Ok," Carly shrugged picking up her fork and breaking off a piece.

"What about you?" Sam looked at Freddie.

"Did you lick it?" Freddie glanced down at the cheesecake looking for any trace of saliva.

"No, Freddork," Sam grabbed his fork and took a big chunk of his serving, shoving it in her mouth. Then she ran her tongue slowly along the prongs of the fork before placing it back on the table.

"I hate you, Sam," Freddie picked up his spoon and dug into the side opposite where she'd taken her piece.

"Hate you too," Sam stood up and ruffled his hair. "I'm off in about thirty minutes. You guys want a ride home?"

"Definitely," Carly nodded. "and this is good." She tapped her fork on the plate.

"I'll let Chef know," Sam smiled. "Oh and here's your check," she put the padded folder down on the table.

"Check?" Freddie picked up the folder and opened it. Inside was a bill for $2.19 with a note from Sam that read – Remember servers have to live on their tips : )

"How much is it?" Carly asked.

"I got it," Freddie dug in his pocket for his wallet. It's not like giving money to Sam was anything new.

**30 Minutes Later**

Carly and Freddie followed Sam through the parking lot to her car. Freddie noticed that Carly was especially giddy, giggling hysterically for no reason. And that was making him laugh too.

"So how are you guys feeling?" Sam asked as she unlocked the doors of her car.

"Fantabulous," Carly replied. "Which is fabulous and fantastic at the same time."

"I'm feeling spectacular," Freddie announced as he climbed into the back seat.

Sam left out a whooping laugh as she climbed into the driver's seat.

"What's so funny Sam?" Freddie asked as he yanked her hair.

"You two," Sam laughed. "I love it when you guys are high."

"We're not high," Carly told Sam.

"Yeah you are," Sam had a big shit eating grin on her face.

"Oh fuck, Sam what did you do?" Freddie leaned up into the front of the car.

"Let's just say the special ingredient in that cheesecake you ate isn't exactly legal."

"OH MY GOD SAM!" Carly screamed. "You roofied us!"

"Oh please," Sam laughed, "like I'd need to roofie Freddie. He gets an erection on command."

"It's true," Freddie laughed at himself.

"I'm high," Carly stared at her friends before laughing.

"You guys have any money for gas?" Sam asked as she backed out of her parking spot which sent her passengers into another round of laughter.

By the time they got back to the apartment building, Carly had laughed so hard at one of Sam's off color remarks she peed her pants a little which gave Freddie a serious case of hiccups.

Sam followed behind with a box of cheesecake as Carly raced through the lobby to the elevator, afraid someone might see the wet spot on her jeans. When the trio got to their floor, Carly rushed down the hallway to her apartment.

"I'm gonna pee myself," Carly exclaimed as she stood there crossed legged, rummaging through her bag for her keys.

"We could just knock," Freddie banged on the door loudly. "SPENCER!"

The door was thrown open and there was a burst of confetti and balloons as the crowd inside screamed "SURPRISE!"

Freddie stood there stunned. The fight with Carly had been so distracting he completely forgot about the surprise party and …..

Operation Stripper for Freddie.

**sorry for the long winded chapter - but for the sake of what little plot this story has it was necessary.**

**So just one chapter left to go...**

**and I have to pimp out the story: iwant a girlfriend by BaalRules. If you go to my profile it's in my favorites - Be warned - it's crudely awesome!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I bet you thought I was going to wait until Nathan Kress turned 21 to finish this.**

**Disclaimer: Some Seddie; Some Creddie; Some Screddie**

**Hope it was worth the wait.  
****-Gemma**

**xOx**

* * *

Chapter 11

It was close to 3am and the party was winding down.

Freddie sat on the couch watching Sam and Spencer huffing helium from the tank his mom had used to fill the balloons.

"Happy Birthday to you," Sam drunkenly sang.

"Happy Birthday to you," Spencer joined her.

Freddie chuckled at their chipmunk-esque voices.

"Happy Birthday Dear Fredward – cha- cha- cha," a very intoxicated Gibby slurred as he took a few staggering dance steps.

There was a pause as they took additional hits of helium.

"Happy Birthday to You!"

"Hey Freddie, I think you missed one," Carly plopped down next to him with a well-worn gift bag.

Over the bright yellow and green plaid pattern was written "To Benson From Lewbert" in black sharpie.

"Lewbert got me a present?" Freddie was astonished considering the history between his mom and the doorman.

"Let's hope it's not his mole," Carly joked.

"Ugh," Freddie handed the bag to her. "Maybe you should open it."

"Oh no," Carly pushed the bag back at him. "It's your present."

"I'll open it," Sam squeaked, her voice a few octives too high. She snatched the bag away from them, ripping out the tissue paper.

"Let's see," she dug into the bag. "It's a…book." Sam frowned. "Sucky present." The book went flying through the air as Sam tossed it away.

"What book was it?" Spencer asked.

Freddie didn't really care about the book. Sam was right, that was a crappy gift. Speaking of gifts…He suddenly remembered another gift that was still coming his way…His Stripper!

"So that's the last present?" he asked with a grin.

"Yep," Carly nodded looking over at the gift table.

"And you're not forgetting anything?"

Carly and Sam looked at each other.

"No," they answered in unison.

"Come on guys," Freddie snorted. "I know about the stripper."

"Spencer!" Carly and Sam shouted in disbelief.

"Did someone say stripper?" Drunkenly Gibby hopped up on the coffee table, knocking over a tray of chips and spilling the bowl of dip all over the floor.

"NOOOOO!" Carly screamed at Gibby.

"NOOOOO!" Sam screamed and dove on the floor trying to catch the falling food.

"I'm bringing sexy back…," Gibby sang loudly swinging his shirt above his head.

"Oh God No!" Sam screamed and covered her eyes. Since high school Gibby had nearly doubled his body weight and not in a good way.

"He's going to break the table," Carly worried aloud.

"Gibby, get down," Spencer said sternly.

"I think it's time for someone to get a cab home," Carly said.

"I'll walk him down," Spencer offered. "Come on, Gibby," he put an arm around the guy to steady him.

"awwwwww," Gibby pouted. "Just when things were getting good."

Spencer had taken Gibby down to the lobby, closing the door behind him.

"Seriously," Freddie sat in the chair facing his two best friends. "There's no stripper?"

"Nope," Sam plopped down on top of Freddie, putting a sympathetic arm around him.

"Sorry," Carly shrugged squeezing in next to Sam. "You're not disappointed are you?"

_Disappointed._ Freddie thought to himself. _Disappointed doesn't even begin to express how I'm feeling right now. _He didn't answer Carly. He just sat there, moping.

"Awww, is Freddie-Weddie sad?" Sam pressed her palms against his cheeks, pushing them so they made a roll of skin.

"Stop Sam," Carly pulled her friend's hand away. "He looks like Gibby when you do that."

"I know what might make him feel better." A smile crept onto Sam's face.

"A few NEW iCarly skits, perhaps?" A similar grin appeared on Carly's face.

"I'm not really in the mood guys," Freddie said with a sigh. No offense to the girls, but no skit was funny enough to outweigh the let down of no stripper.

"Freddie," Carly whined. "We've been working on this for over a month now!"

"Come on, Benson," Sam punched him. "What do you say?"

"I guess," he shrugged.

"Alright!" Carly clapped her hands in excitement. "You stay down here, while we go set up." With that she and Sam jumped up and ran into the kitchen. They filled an empty box with birthday cake, ice cream and the rest of the leftover food. Then they hurried up the steps giggling.

To Freddie this meant one of two things. Either the skit involved a food fight OR they were going to put everything in a blender and make him drink it. He was hoping for the former – as long as he didn't have to clean up afterward.

He walked across the room and picked up the book that Sam had thrown. It was a book about the history of fencing. _I can't believe Lewbert remembered. _Freddie opened it and began to look for any reference to The Fencing Bensons; his legacy.

Like the nerd that he was, once he started reading he got completely focused on the book. He didn't notice that Sam had come downstairs. She snuck up behind him and then shouted "Hi" in his ear, causing him to yelp in fright and drop the book on the floor.

"What the hell, Sam!"

"You make it too easy," she grinned.

"So are you guys ready?" he asked while thinking of picking up the book. However with Sam's close proximity, the chances of her kicking him while he was bent over were pretty good, so he left it on the floor.

"Yeah," Sam nodded and began to walk back to the steps.

Freddie followed behind almost bumping into Sam when she stopped short.

"What?" he looked down at her.

"Okay, um, before we go up there," Sam's lips twitched nervously.

"What Sam?" Freddie's held inclined sideways, his hands instinctively covered his groin (you never knew when she might strike). But instead of kicking him in the balls, she rose up on her tip toes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Happy Birthday, Freddie," she whispered in his ear. She slipped her hand into his and began to lead him up the stairs.

"How drunk are you?" Freddie asked suspiciously.

"I'm not _that_ drunk," Sam replied. "But I am higher than your IQ."

Freddie shook his head, laughingly as he followed her up the stairs.

"Wait here," Sam told him as they reached the top of the landing. Freddie leaned against the railing and looked down the familiar hallway toward Carly's room – their old studio. High School seemed like such a long time ago. Maybe one last iCarly rehearsal would be fun. The girls probably had something ridiculous planned. He smiled a little and rubbed his cheek. Maybe he could convince one of them to give up some birthday sex… It was worth a try – right?

Sam poked her head out of the door. "You may enter, Birthday Boy."

As he stepped through the doorway he stopped short.

"Holy Shit," he gasped. "Are those...?" he couldn't even form the words as he stared at the two metal rods bolted to the floor and ceiling.

"Stripper poles? Yes they are." Sam smiled.

"But… How? Why?" Freddie's brain was incapable of forming a complete sentence.

"We got them from Socko's cousin, Na**pole**on." (terrible pun – I know)

"Are you…? Is Carly…?"

"Sit down." Sam tugged him to a plush chair where he sat down. "And enjoy the show…"

_Finally!_

Slow sultry music filled the room as Carly emerged dressed in black leather mini dress. A very mini-dress that barely covered her ass. Black fishnet tights clung to her legs which ended in enormous high-heeled shoes.

_Best Fucking Birthday EVER!_

Carly stood behind the pole, a foot on either side and slowly lowered her ass down to her heels. Her knees spread sideways. Freddie struggled to see between her legs, but from his angle the pole blocked his view. Despite that his loins had already started to respond – which was no small feat considering the amount of alcohol he'd ingested over the course of the evening.

The pole lit up from inside (because everything affiliated with Socko illuminates). The soft blue light reflected off the shiny metal plate at the base, casting soft hues over the dancer. Carly bounced up and down on her heels a few times as she positioned her hands on the pole. She pulled herself back to her feet, reaching her hands up higher on the pole. Wrapping a stocking-ed leg around the luminated vertical bar she pushed off the floor, setting her body into a slow 360 degree rotation. Her midnight hair flew out into the air as she looked up at the ceiling.

Freddie bit his lip.

Yeah, he would definitely need some birthday sex after this. _At the very least a blow job._

As Carly repeated her spin, Sam emerged from the bathroom. She was dressed in a black leather corset with tight leather shorts. A pair of sheer black thigh highs covered her legs, below that was a pair of black Converse sneakers.

Freddie smiled – what else did you expect from Sam?

Sam's hands hit the ground as she kicked up into a handstand. Resting her butt against the second pole, she lowered her legs to the sides, until her thighs were parallel to the floor. She stopped there for a minute, before lowering her legs further until her feet were on the floor. Continuing to the steady beat of the music, she lowered the rest of her body to the floor. When she finished, ankles, knees and crotch were pressed firmly against the plate showing off full curve of her ass.

_I think I might need to masturbate now…_

After a few spins around the pole, Carly had gotten herself dizzy. She stumbled over her deathly high heels as she made toward Freddie where she half-fell, half-knelt between his legs.

"While you're down there..," Freddie started the beginning of his joke while offering Carly his hand to help her up. He was surprised when she batted his hand away and went for the button on his jeans. "What are you doing?" Freddie asked her.

"I'm going to suck your dick," Carly told him grinning.

_Never thought I'd ever hear that…_

Freddie agreed, leaning back so she could unbutton his pants.

His eyes moved from Carly to Sam who was now upside down with her legs spread wide. He looked back at Carly whose tongue swept the fleshy head of his penis. Then back to Sam who had her knee in her ear – Dear God she was practically a contortionist!

Freddie couldn't hear the sucking noises that Carly was making over the music, but he could feel the warm wetness of her tongue sculpting against his erection. He sank further back into the chair, eyes shifting from Sam to Carly.

Her head bobbed as worked his entire length. He let out a soft moan, which was cut off as he was hit in the face with something. Sam's leather corset. His eyes immediately went back to the blonde who was now topless on the pole.

"Uh…Ca…Ca…Car, …," he floundered with words as he attempted to inform Carly of his pending orgasm.

"Mmmph," Carly pulled back a little as Freddie's cum shot deep into her throat. The birthday boy, clenched a handful of her hair as his body tensed. He was surprised to feel the contractions in her mouth as she began to swallow.

_Oh God…Oh God…_

Freddie's hips thrust up against her. This was almost better than sex…Almost.

Carly released him, wiping her bottom kip with the hell of her hand. "That's one," she told Sam as she got to her feet. It was then Freddie noticed the board hanging from the far wall. Counting quickly he noted twenty one blocks. Carly put a check mark in the first one.

"It's our newest skit," Sam explained. She's paused her dancing to stand there, breasts rising with each breath she took.

"Skit?" Freddie's brow formed a very skeptic 'V' shape.

"Since you didn't make it through twenty one shots of the alcoholic variety," Carly smiled broadly at him.

"We want to see if you can manage twenty one cum shots," Sam grinned wildly.

"I don't think that's biologically possible," Freddie told them.

"We'll find out won't we," Carly put her arm around Sam, who put her arm around Carly.

Freddie raised a single eyebrow. It certainly was worth a try.

"So who's first?" he asked, removing his shirt. Carly pushed Sam toward him.

"Alright," Sam shrugged a single shoulder. "On the bed, Benson."

Freddie reached forward and grabbed her by the wrist. "How about you, on my dick?"

"Freddie!" Carly exclaimed. Sam just laughed.

"You're lucky I'm high," Puckett told him as she climbed into his lap. Freddie's hands immediately sought out her bare breasts, sealing his mouth against hers. As their tongues swirled together, Freddie couldn't help thinking how much Sam's kissing style had improved since their first kiss – which was – well – not that great. But this…was much, much better.

Sam moved her body weight sideways, as she wiggled out of her shorts. Their lips parted for the moment, Freddie stared at Sam's nude body. The only hint of tomboyishness left was the sneakers she wore – every other aspect of her was beautifully feminine.

Freddie's erection was taking it's time rising. He wondered how long it had been since his orgasm – five? Maybe ten minutes? Sam sighed impatiently and wrapped her hand around his dick, attempting to bring it back to life. Letting his head drift back against the chair, his eyes drifted to Carly who was unzipping her dress.

Splinters of her pale skin glimmered widened as the dress came apart. Freddie sighed and let his eyes wander back to Sam, whose tongue had joined the mission to get him hard. That seemed to do the trick. Blood flowed between his legs again.

"More," he moaned, pushing down on the blonde hair. She obliged and slipped her mouth all the way to the base of his erection. "Uhhhh," it was the only sound he could make.

"Now me," Sam said dropping him from her lips. Taking the hand that he'd placed on her head, she moved it between her legs. Freddie felt a slight dampness on his palm and rubbed against it.

"Not there," she complained with a hint of irritation. "There," she placed his finger against her clit. "Now wonder you can't keep a girlfriend, Benson."

"Take that back, Puckett."

"Make me."

"You asked for it." He applied a gentle pressure and circled against the nerves. She arched back, sucking in her breath as her body tensed. Freddie slipped a pair of fingers inside her while continuing to stimulate her. Hot wetness oozed over his hand as Sam rode herself into orgasm.

"Fuck," she panted, swapping out his fingers for his hardened cock.

"Fuck," Freddie gasped as Sam sank down on him. His fingers dug into her hips as he thrust up against her. He knew he was too aroused. In a vain attempt to calm himself he started the iCarly countdown.

_In five, four, three, two…._

_Uhhhhhh, Uhhhhhh. one._

It was like his first time all over again as he finished quickly. Too quickly. As their motion stopped, he could see a slight hint of perspiration on Sam's forehead. As she lifted herself up – Freddie was reminded of something – They hadn't used a condom!

His heart-rate climbed exponentially. While he trusted Carly enough to take her birth control pills – having faith in Sam was another issue.

"Sam, please tell me you're on the pill." _Please. Please. Please._

"I'm on the pill," she replied, while using his shirt to wipe off the semen running down her legs.

"Did you take it today?" his chest pounded as he waited for the answer.

"Relax," Sam reached over and mussed his hair. "I have no desire to be your Baby Mamma."

"So that means you took it?"

"Yes," Sam grinned, tossing his shirt on the floor. "He's all yours," she said to Carly as she walked toward the bathroom.

Freddie covered his face with his hands and took a few deep breaths. "Why does she do that shit to me?" he asked Carly.

"Because you let her," Carly bent over and kissed his forehead. "Now come on. It's my turn."

Freddie followed her across the room to her bed. The ebony haired girl sat on the edge, pulling him close to her. "You what's even better than regular sex?" she whispered into his ear.

Freddie felt goosebumps rise on the back of his neck as her breath tickled him. "What?" he asked closing his eyes as his head cradled into her neck.

"Make-up sex." She nibbled on his earlobe.

"Is that so?" Freddie let out a soft laugh. After their little disagreement, he hadn't expected to be here with Carly – like this – for a very long time (if ever).

He crawled onto the bed, letting her lie beneath him. Heated kisses elevated between them. Hands stroked with tender, wanting touches. It took Freddie longer this time to ready himself. But when he did get there, the first moment of their union was soft and gentle but each additional second built up into a frenzy. Bodies thudded together against the stripper soundtrack. Voices cried out in blistering passion.

Freddie wasn't sure at what point Sam came out of the bathroom, but he distinctly remembered the instant she joined them. He was above Carly, thrusting into her when he felt a tickle across his shoulder blades. He was momentarily distracted, and stopped his motion. Carly looked up at him in surprise, then looked past him and smiled.

"I knew you would," she told Sam.

"Whatever," Sam replied as she squeezed in beside them on the bed. "Over here Benson," she said rolling onto her back.

"What?" Freddie was confused for a second, until Carly wriggled out from under him.

"Sam's turn," she told him.

"Okay?" He sat back on his heels; his erection throbbing between his legs.

"Do me," Sam batted her eyelashes, making her friends laugh. Freddie grinned and moved between her knees. Sam pulled him down on top of her and moved her hips up against his. He nearly lost it then but somehow managed to hold on another minute before cumming.

His body trembled as he looked down at Sam, who pinched down her pinky with her thumb, holding up the number 3. Freddie thought it meant the number of times he'd came – but Sam had her own agenda.

Carly's head shook uncertainly from side to side.

Sam's head nodded up and down.

Then Freddie realized what Sam meant – and he too nodded his head up and down.

"Two against one," Sam gloated.

"But I don't even know how…," Carly crossed her arms over her chest.

"Neither does Benson," Sam pointed to Freddie. "He didn't even know where my clit was."

Freddie scowled as Carly giggled.

"Fine," the brunette agreed. "I'll do it."

Freddie's scowl began to go away. He moved away from Sam, allowing her to sit up.

"So how does this work?" Carly asked.

"Like this," Sam replied pulling her friend in for a soft kiss.

Freddie's heart stopped as the girls touched lips. Despite the fact that he'd just had another orgasm – he was ready to go again just watching them.

Carly's delicate fingers traced Sam's shoulder as their kiss deepened. Sam gently held Carly's face in her palms with a tenderness that he never knew she possessed. Of his own accord, he reached in between them, sliding his hands down their bellies to the space between their legs. He felt bad for Carly, who happened to be on the side of his non-dominant hand, which was struggling against its own awkwardness in his attempt to finger her.

As Sam moaned into Carly's mouth, Freddie felt her muscles squeeze his fingers in another climax. When she finished he switched hands, crossing his wrists into an "X" and continuing to fuck them both with his fingers. Sam's hand slid up his thigh, to the base of his erection. Carly's hand followed, covering over Sam's. Between the two of them they found a rhythm, rubbing him off into yet another orgasm. This one sprayed all over the bed linens.

"Carly's turn," Sam announced breathlessly, pushing her back against the bed. Carly landed against her pillow, spreading her legs apart in submission. Freddie pushed his fingers deep inside her, while Sam watched. Carly's chest rose and fell as she moaned softly. Freddie forgot all his birthday as he watched Sam's eyes take in every detail of Carly's body. He'd forgotten about their twenty one cum shots game as Carly's eyes fluttered open just long enough to ask Sam to kiss her again.

As Carly drew Sam into another embrace, Freddie remembered one thing:

Wishes do come true…

FIN

* * *

**Sooooo what did you think?**


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